The Big Day

We get to bring Avonlea home today!!

Yay!!

And also, eek!!

I wrote celebratory texts to some friends last night, after we got the confirmation from the doctor that she would be going home, and I will admit--I had mixed emotions.

Please, don't think that I'm not 1000% happy about bringing Avonlea home. Not just because of this primal desire to have her next to me, but also for the practicality of it--we have made so many trips back and forth to the hospital, and I'm tired, and Nick is tired, and it's been really stressful to have Nick spending part of his day at work and I'm at the hospital and learning how to do things, and...whew. I'm ready for us all to be together, and to have the "first week" that we should've had last week.

But, there are also other emotions. The over-riding one is nervousness. I feel like I have had this easing into parenting. Because she was in the NICU, we didn't take her home for the first week. We didn't bump through those crazy hours right away.  I have felt like a part-time parent.  Today, we go from being part-time parents to being full-time parents. And there are so many unknowns.  Will I be able to provide enough milk for her? Will she continue to latch on and breastfeed without someone's help? Will she go through all of our diapers on the first day? How will she sleep at our house? Will it be too cold at night for her? Will it be too hot during the day? How will the dogs react? Will they try to pee on her (Nick says this is an irrational question)? What will our routine look like? Will Nick feel comfortable? Will I make him feel like less of a part of things because of my role as food-provider? Will I get enough sleep to be a loving, caring mother and not a raving lunatic who hates her daughter who won't let her sleep (biggest fear)?

There's just so many questions and unknowns that I go into today with a sort of tentative happiness. Honestly, I wish I had someone who would be able to be my own personal Google, and answer my questions and settle my fears when I have them--oh, wait. I DO. Maybe not the direct line to Google (that might be Nick's job), but I do have someone who can settle my fears. Thank God for prayer.

I have had many encouraging notes over the last week, from wonderful people who have been through this before and lived to tell about it. To those people, your texts and your messages have really buoyed me up, and I am so thankful. Now, I covet your prayers as we REALLY start this journey together as parents. We need His help to get through these next few weeks, months, years.  I want to be a good mother to Avonlea, and a good wife to Nick. I want to be a support and an encouragement and a helper and a provider.  I want Nick to be a good father and a supportive husband and a confident leader--and I want him to feel like I know he is those things, too.

Last night, Nick and I took our last non-parent trip to Target. We were buying things for Avonlea, but we were by ourselves. No kid. And we were joking and laughing together. I was teasing Nick about pushing the cart slow while he was texting, and he was playing on the escalator, trying to hold himself up on his hands the whole ride down. I was laughing and he was teasing me, and I thought, "I love this man. I can't wait for Avonlea to join in this family and make her own little part in it." What will she bring to our little home? What part will she take up? Will she be a joker and a teaser like her Daddy?  Will she be creative and athletic like mommy? Will she be a problem-solver? Will she be inquisitive? Will she be sensitive and caring?

I guess, starting today, we will find out.  Help us, Lord Jesus, to do Your Will as parents. We will lean on You for guidance and strength and compassion and ENERGY as we start this journey together.