This post is honesty.
When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't ready.
I was happy with the life we created here. I was getting some wedding photography going. I was getting happy with my body, and losing weight. I was volunteering with Girls on the Run, and loving the impact I was able to make.
I wasn't ready for the changes, both to my body, and to my family.
And to be honest, I was happy, but I wasn't 100% happy. I felt like I *should* be 1000% happy. After all, I had prayed for this child. This is what I said I wanted, and what my heart desired. But I wasn't completely happy.
To top off these not-so-happy feelings, I was having a rough 1st trimester. Which just made me resent the little nugget even more. All of the emails and forums had these women who were saying over and over, "Oh, I just love my baby! I just love being pregnant!" and I was thinking, "I hate this baby--it's ruining my life and making me feel like s*#@."
God's design is perfect, though. There is a reason that we humans are pregnant for 9 months. Because He has been using that 9 months to change my heart and prepare me to be a mom. And recently, especially in the last few weeks as she has been kicking and moving, I really find myself growing in love more and more with each kick. I see how what I do is affecting her. We have kick/poke battles with each other, which are just these little moments of bonding that have softened my heart. I find myself talking to her when she kicks me extra strong, or when I can see her move back and forth.
Yesterday, I felt a strong movement on my left side, and when I went to nudge that area, it was very firm--like a head! My heart skipped a beat.
My little nugget is growing so quickly, and changing, and I am falling in love more and more. I can't wait to meet her.
No comments:
Post a Comment