What You Need to Know About C-Sections

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time, but it wasn't until a discussion came up in a mom group on Facebook that I was reminded about it. This is not an exhaustive list, it is just what I learned and what I usually tell moms who are looking at needing a C-section.

Note: I am NOT a doctor. Don't go against any doctor's advice to do the things I am suggesting (though, i don't think anything is too outrageous!). Just a disclaimer. I don't want to get sued later or anything. :)

Before the C-Section:

• It really can't be said enough: you need to prepare yourself for the fact that your birth plan WILL NOT go according to plan. I don't think many people expect to have C-sections their first time around. Most people intend to have a vaginal birth, whether using drugs or not. I don't think a lot of people would choose to have a major abdominal surgery (I know that some do--elective C-sections are on the rise--but I still think they're a minority.). Because you probably haven't planned on a C-section, its sudden arrival will cause some emotional trauma, whether immediately felt or not. In my case, the possibility of a C-section was lurking around starting around my 18th hour of labor--but for some, it is literally a last-minute decision that is made for them. The more you prepare yourself for sudden changes before your labor begins, the less the whole C-section situation will emotionally challenge you. To my (later) dismay, I really dismissed the idea of having a C-section; I didn't even let the possibility enter my mind, and so I didn't prepare myself adequately. Don't get me wrong: you will still have emotional issues over an unplanned C-section, but you'll handle it better if you allow yourself the possibility it might happen (like I didn't).
• I'm not sure what you wear after a vaginal birth, but I only recommend packing wide-band yoga/exercise pants for post-C-section wear. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT BRING JEANS to wear home, even maternity jeans!! The area around your new scar is ridiculously sensitive, and though it seems weird, I found it much more comfortable to have something supporting the whole area than to have something flowy that could brush against it, or maternity jeans that dig into that area. No drawstrings, either!  (I recommend something like these.)
• You'll probably have packed underwear if you're not planning on a C-section, but if you end up having one, you won't want to wear your own underwear for a while.
• If you know you're going to have a C-section, go out early to the drug store and buy the biggest pads you can find. I liked the Always Maxi Overnight Heavy Flow with Wings.  Buy two packs. While you'll love the mesh undies the hospital gives you, you won't love the cheap pads that the hospital provides for you. Seriously--they end up stacking them on top of each other, which is 1000% uncomfortable.
• Ask your doctor what he/she will do to stitch you up. Will you have stitches? Glue? Tape? I highly recommend being taped up, if that is an option. You won't have to go get anything removed later, and you can keep the tape on as long as you need to. I left my tape on for much longer than I probably needed to, but I found that my scar healed incredibly well where the tape was. A friend of mine had glue, and she had a lot more problems with her recovery (and her clothes) than I did.
• You will get a dry shave from a nurse, unless you arrive having already shaved yourself. Your husband might like to help with this area!

During the C-Section:

• TRY to relax. The whole C-section process is ridiculously fast. I had 10 minutes of prep in the OR before my husband and surgeon arrived, and 2 minutes later, baby was born. 30 minutes after that, I was in recovery. Considering what is happening, that is FAST. If your C-section is an unplanned decision, the whole situation can seem like a whirlwind. Say a prayer, meditate, take deep breaths--whatever you need to do to calm yourself for the storm!
• You're going to experience one of the strangest out-of-body sensations ever. Whole-body numbness is something few can claim to understand--you will soon be one of them.
• Something I didn't do that I will ask for the next time around is for the doctor or the nurses to keep telling me what is happening. That might set your mind at ease a bit (unless you wish to remain blissfully ignorant).

After the C-Section:

• I itched like crazy coming out of the epidural. Not everyone has this reaction, but you might. I was also shaking uncontrollably. Again, not everyone has this reaction, but I certainly wasn't expecting it.
• You will be numb in your incision area for a long time. Weeks. Months. I'm a year out, and it still feels differently in that spot. I wore yoga pants for about two weeks after for comfort's sake (but I'm definitely opposed to yoga pants as everyday wear).
• Expect your scar area to look incredibly gnarly for a while. I took a scar selfie the day after my surgery, and the results were disturbing. I felt like Jack Skellington down there. But, if you take good care to wash and dry your incision area (use a hair dryer instead of rubbing with a towel), you'll end up with a beautiful battle wound you can wear with pride. Incidentally, mine is about 6 inches wide, about a hands-width down from my belly button.
• Embrace the mesh underwear. No matter what cut of undies you brought with you, they will inevitably sit right on top of your brand-new scar. Those see-through, tear-away granny panties they give you will become your new best friend. Ask for a couple of extra pairs to wear the first few days you are home. You'll be sad when they run out.
• TAKE THE POST-OP DRUGS. Don't try to be a hero. That being said, after a week or so, start to wean yourself off of them--they will make you constipated.
• Rest, as much as you can. You have a new baby, but you also had a major surgery. If you don't rest, recovery will be even harder.
• On the flip side of that, GET OUT OF BED. The more you are able to get up (do it as slowly as you need to) and walk around (do it as gingerly as you need to), the better your recovery will be. I attribute my relatively easy recovery on the fact that I was up and out of my room 3-4 times a day to go down to the NICU to see my baby. That really helped my mobility in a big way. Get a ring sling, or another wrap to wear your baby and do laps around the hallways, if that helps you.
• Laughing will hurt. A lot. Use an extra pillow to hold against your incision area if you have hilarious visitors (like I did).
• Just like in a vaginal birth, they will make you poop before you leave the hospital. While I imagine this is incredibly painful having a vaginal delivery, the thought of pushing out poop is one of the scariest things imaginable after having a C-section. Take the stool softeners they give you, but also make sure you are drinking plenty of water. I always had my nurses bring me a pitcher of water and a pitcher of ice with every meal, and I kept it refilled often.
• Make plans for someone to stay with you the first night after your baby is born. A lot of husbands go home to get some sleep--but you will definitely need help that first night. Enlist a good friend to stay if your husband can't. You will need someone to help you get out of bed, help you get the baby changed, etc. That first night after surgery is the hardest to accomplish anything on your own. (I did not have anyone stay, and it was a really hard night--I called the nurses every hour for something or another--and I was really trying not to be needy!)
• Finally, though you might be anxious to get home to your own bed, I highly recommend taking all the time they will let you have to stay in the hospital. You have people who bring you food, you have nurses on call for anything you need, you don't have to worry about piles of laundry or dishes, and you have a bed that moves up and down with the press of a button! The pull for home might be strong, but I don't regret staying that extra night in the least.

There's a book called The Essential C-Section Guide that I'll be picking up from the library or Amazon the next time I need it. I've heard great things about it.

How about you other C-section mamas?  What have you learned from experience that you pass on to other C-section mamas?

Pee Stick and Telling Nick

(Written on June 11, 2014)

So, I've had a few days to process.

I am pregnant.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby!

(Say those sentences in a progressively louder and more hyper-sounding voice, and you'll have my inflection down perfectly.)

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

I'm not sure why. I mean, we were having unprotected sex. Hello, that's how babies are made! I'm not sure what we were thinking on that one, other than figuring it took us so long last time that it probably wouldn't happen so easily.  Honestly, with Nick and I, we tend to just not think about it.

Wanna know a secret? We have never used a condom. Seriously. Almost 9 years of marriage, not once. No sex before marriage, so no possibility there. First 5 years of our marriage I was on birth control, and the next 3 years we were trying to have a baby. I've never opened one of those foil packets. We've never even bought any. I wouldn't have any idea where to start. I probably could've sent Nick to go get some (he would have a better idea than me, I'm guessing), but honestly, I didn't even think to ask him to. So, over the last 14 months since Avonlea has been born, we've just been....well, au naturel, as they say.

That's probably irresponsible, especially since I was so freaked out to have a baby.  But I genuinely, honestly, had NO IDEA we would have any success again. It's like the little part of my brain that remembers how babies are made just inconveniently forgot about it. And it's not like I frequent the condom aisle at the drug store, either, so as to be subtly reminded.

Over the last few weeks, I have had weird moments of thinking, "I'm pregnant." I took the pregnancy test after a couple of days of thinking, "I think I'm late." When I clipped coupons this month, I clipped some pregnancy test coupons. I was having nightmares about being pregnant. I was daydreaming about if people would think I was crazy if I called adoption agencies to give up the baby I was dreaming I had. I was relieved when feeling what I thought was my pre-period cramping, and wore a pad one night, just in case (that was a waste). When I took the test, a little voice in the back of my head said, "It's going to be positive."

I took the test while Nick was out re-enrolling in AAA for the year, and left it in the bathroom for a while, forgotten, while I looked after Avonlea. I only remembered to go in and look at it because Nick arrived home, and I didn't want to freak him out with a used pregnancy test in the bathroom.

Last time, immediately after finding that little blue line, I was a smidge disappointed (which I detailed in this post).

This time, I was downright freaked. out. Full on, horror movie levels of scared. Approximately one million and one thoughts screamed through my head at the same time: "I can't do this. I still have a baby--how can I possibly be prepared to take on another one! I've seen my friends who have a toddler and a newborn--they look like they want to go into fetal position at any moment. I can't handle that! I'm not back to my pre-baby weight! I'm going to get so incredibly fat! I can't do this. I can't DO this!"

After the fear, came the shock (and irritation): "Seriously? Again? STUPID Allison. WHY didn't you go and buy some freaking condoms?!?"

To top it off, Nick and I weren't really talking to each other very much. We were in a "fight", though we don't really have knock-down, drag-out fights. We just kind of do the silent treatment. (Nick will probably read this later and say, "We were in a fight?" That's how well we fight.)

When he got home, and I checked the test, I thought for a split second about waiting to tell him the news. Last time, I had such a cute way of telling him. But now, I was just so upset that we were in a fight that I wanted to resolve it as soon as possible.

Nick started to tell me something about the AAA thing, and all I could do was start to cry. Nick, of course, wondered what was wrong, and I apologized for my part of the fight. And then I said, "I think we have a huge problem."

I got up off the couch to go get the pregnancy test, and Nick followed me. I brought it back out to him in the hallway, and he got a huge smile on his face, and said, "Uh-oh! What does that mean?" (in a sly, I-already-know-what-it-means kind of way). I'm really glad he was smiling and happy, because I was bawling by this point.

I probably should've waited to tell him in a more fun way, but I just couldn't think of how I would get excited about it enough to be creative and happy when I told him, so I blurted it out to him over a laundry basket of dirty socks.

That sounds terrible to say. I really hope that Biscuit doesn't hate me later in life for knowing that I wasn't initially excited about his/her presence in my womb.

But above all the emotions; the fear, the worry, the shock--I never once thought that we should get rid of it. I never thought we should abort, or put it up for adoption. This is OUR BABY. And whether or not we were ready for its creation is a moot point (or, a moo point). And deep down, I was happy. Definitely not outrageously happy, but I was at least minutely pleased. In the midst of my tears on Nick's shirt, I was able to smile about the new life we had created.

Now that a few days have passed, it still hits me like a ton of bricks when I remember, again, that I am pregnant. But I also realize a little bit more each day that it really is going to be okay. God would not have given us this life if it was not meant for us. If we would not be able to handle it. It might take me a while to be 100% gung-ho about it, but that's okay.

We're going to have another baby.

And it's going to be great.

Avonlea's First Blog Post

vbc      xvvvvv '

vh fuub    b bvb    

A Second Kid? Are you CRAZY??

(this post was written June 7, 2014)

I heard that after you have your first kid, people started asking you when you were going to have another one. I experienced this a little bit, but really only from people I didn't know (or my mother-in-law). See, I think it was that the people close to me knew what a traumatic experience Avonlea's babyhood was, and so they knew better than to ask me.

As time went on, among other people and among other mommies, the baby question would come up, and people would be surprised at my emphatic "NO!" when asked if we were going to have another kid.

I don't think it is a permanent "no". I just say that I need more time to recover from the trauma of the last kid. It's not the birth that traumatized me. It's the having a BABY thing that traumatized me. I love looking at babies. I love it when friends have babies. I really liked being pregnant and growing a baby. I learned that I do NOT like babies.

I also can't imagine having another kid right now, with Avonlea still so young. I imagine a 3-4 year spread between my kids. I like the 3 or 4 year spread, because they'll have one or two years together in middle and high school, but not too close together. They also won't be too far apart and grow up hating each other, like Ashley and I did with our 6.5 year spread.

I am also seeing what it is like to have a toddler and a baby first-hand. Several of my mom friends are on baby #2 with their first being around 16-20 months old. And while it's exciting in theory, I see what a toll it takes. The energy you needed for one baby is now multiplied, but the energy you're given isn't. My friends are doing an amazing job--but I spent one afternoon with one of them, and I came home saying, "We canNOT have another baby anytime soon." Just watching what it was like terrified me.

I don't do well in situations where I am overwhelmed. I tend to lose my balance mentally, and I constantly feel like I am underwater. I just don't do well. I mean, one of my extended family members told me she was going to fly to California to help me after I had Avonlea because I sounded like I was doing so badly. Did I also mention I'm not good at concealing how I really feel?

I guess you have some things figured out with your second kid that make some aspects of it a little easier. You're not dealing with the first-time Mom thing, which is huge. But on the flip-side, you're dealing with the new thing of raising another kid AND a baby.

And to be honest, I'm kind of content with our little 3-person family. I really would be completely happy if we never had another kid of our own. I did the pregnant thing. I did the baby thing. I'm happy to move on with my life. I would love to consider adoption, but that's not something Nick is interested in right now. Maybe I can work on him in that regard, but it's not something we would pursue even in the next 5 years.

All that being said, I took these pictures today:

Oh, shit.