"Why haven't you gone to the doctor?"

It's been 2.5 years, and I am still not pregnant.  So why am I not more concerned?

I have been tracking my temperature for 9 months now. I see the trends. I have a higher temperature, and then I have no temperature spike after ovulation.

So why haven't I gone to see a doctor about this? Why haven't I taken steps that people normally take when they want a baby?

The unsatisfactory answer is, "I don't know."

Maybe I am scared.

Maybe I am just forgetful.

Maybe I am weary for the process that could be ahead.

Maybe it is because it is easier to not be a mom here in LA. I'm not the only non-mom.

Maybe because I am completely content with where Nick and I are in our relationship right now, and I know that a baby will completely change that.

In my brain, I know that I should find someplace and call.  In my brain, I think, "tomorrow I will do it". And then tomorrow comes, and I completely forget about it.

Should that even be possible? Shouldn't I be wanting a baby so badly that I think about it every second of the day? It should consume my thoughts, right?

But it doesn't. I really only think about it occasionally. Or when I call friends/family back home.  It is so easy here to get wrapped up in your daily life, and not think about it.

In Ohio, I was much more consumed with having a baby. I would get twinges inside me when I found out other people were pregnant. But here, I don't get that. It's like that ultra-strong desire has waned. I'm not sure what caused that. Is it just because LA is an easier place to live without kids? People focused on their careers, and so needing to have kids is not a high priority? Or has that desire waned because God knew my heart needed a break? And so He made it easier for me to handle this period of infertility?

Again, many questions with no answers. I don't know why this is happening the way that it is. I don't know why I am not motivated. I don't have an answer that will satisfy many people. It's just how it is.

One day I posted on Facebook, "Every day at work, I see one person that makes me wonder why they can make babies and I can't," and I had a lot of supportive and encouraging messages. It's amazing how many people experience difficulty getting pregnant. It's a lot more common than I first imagined.