Dear Avonlea,
Whew. I just got you to sleep after a marathon 2 hours in which you didn't really stop whining/crying at all. I did all the tricks that usually work--changed you, swaddled you, rocked you, shushed you, walked around the house with you--but nothing seemed to settle you. Finally, I wrapped you up tight, put you in the swing, put on the white noise maker, and went outside to get the mail--I just needed to get away from your screaming for a minute. When I came back, you were asleep.
This scene is so descriptive of our first month together. You have not been easy! I think I went into your birth with too rosy a picture of what it was going to be like. I don't think any mom thinks that they will have a fussy baby, and I was certainly one of those moms that thought they would bring home a perfectly happy, content newborn.
But you weren't happy and content. You fussed and cried a lot. Feeding didn't go smoothly. You got frustrated and angry and you cried a lot.
It is getting better--I'm learning what makes you happy as we spend more time together. Feeding you has gotten 1000x better--in fact, yesterday I fed you for the first time away from home! But there are some times, like this morning, where we just can't seem to get it together.
I know things will get better. The first few months are always the hardest. Things have already gotten better.
I want to let you know that I love you. Even when you're howling at me like a feral cat, I smile and love you anyway. I know these days will pass. There are many moments during the day that we share that are happy. You love to get your diaper changed--it seems like the changing table is the only place where you never cry. I kiss your sweet belly and your rosy cheeks, and sometimes you smile at me. We have tummy time on the floor together, and though you tire of it quickly, you work so hard to put your head up, and it makes me proud. You lay down on my propped up legs and we stare at each other--sometimes I'll tell you funny stories about the dogs, or about Daddy, or about me growing up, and you'll stare at me, trying to figure out what I'm saying.
When you cry, I try to remember the times where you're happy. Because I know this time will be over quickly, and I need to cherish it while it's here.
I love you,
Your Tired Mama
Beautiful! I could have written the exact same letter to my firstborn in her first month. Those were ROUGH days. She just turned TEN YEARS OLD and reading your letter helped me remember the LOVE (not necessarily the struggles) of those first few months.
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