I have started feeling normal again. I really think my prenatal vitamins are making me feel worse during the day--need to make sure to ask the OB about that next time I go. I'm really hesitant to say I'm feeling better, for some reason!
I'm really going to be one of those moms--I can already tell. Want to know how I know? I keep looking at my ultrasound pictures, and I am sad that my next appointment does not involve a look at the nugget.
I got a bunch of my maternity clothes in the mail this week. It was fun trying them on, and trying to imagine myself fitting into them in just a couple of months. I got 2 really nice pairs of jeans from Old Navy--one demi panel, and one full panel. I'm really impressed with ON's maternity selection. Plus, with my discount, I was able to get 3 tanks, 4 shirts, and 2 pairs of jeans for $100. Score.
Confession: I wore the demi-panel jeans to community group this week. Oh, my, gosh. I don't need them desperately yet, but my tummy is definitely bigger, and jeans really cut into my tummy in a painful way already. That demi panel was amazing! I can already see myself on What Not To Wear in a few years, as one of those non-pregnant ladies still wearing their pregnancy pants!
I have done 3 weddings, 3 weekends in a row. I usually spend all day Sunday on the couch, sleeping and icing/heating my back. I am headed to Philadelphia/New Jersey next weekend for a double-wedding weekend. Should be interesting.
I have always had lower-back problems after a long wedding-shooting day. But after the first wedding I did this month, I started getting sharp, stabbing pains right between my shoulder blades. They hurt a lot worse after sitting for a while. Last week, after suffering through wedding #2, I couldn't deal with it anymore, and went to a chiropractor that my stuntwoman friend recommended. Because I am pregnant, he can't do X-rays to determine if there is anything structurally wrong, but based on my symptoms, he believes that there is. He is treating me as if there is a structural problem.
Basically, my trapezius muscle (wraps around your shoulder blades and attaches in the middle of your back) is strained. This has caused neck aches and headaches that I have had for a long time. There was one examination that he did where he put very light pressure in a spot on my shoulder, and told me to let him know if I felt anything--my right hand went numb in about 3 seconds. He said on a normal person, he could put pressure on that spot for 4 minutes with no effects. Someone with acute problems would feel something in about a minute. And I felt it in 3 seconds. He said I have probably had problems for a long time, but because I am an athlete, I probably put things off (he asked if I have any trouble when I run--and I mentioned that my hands go numb, which I thought was a form thing--but he said it was this muscle controlling that).
The treatment is a few stretches that I need to do throughout the day, and then icing as I feel sharp pain. I also go to the chiro at least twice a week for treatment. He stretches me out, does a short eval, and then gives me electro stim treatments--exactly like what I used to get at Cedarville when I strained/tore my quads! It feels AMAZING. He also does an adjustment each time I am there.
This last time when I was leaving the chiro, there was another woman that was leaving, and I would say she was 7 months pregnant. The Dr. said she is having the exact same symptoms that I am having, and she is doing the same treatments that I am doing. When you are pregnant, the hormones and chemicals running through your body really soften your muscles up, so it is much easier to strain them. He told me I am going to need to be really careful about lifting or pulling things away from my body, because it will put a lot more stress on my muscles than I am probably expecting. He also said I need to try to avoid doing the "athlete thing", and ignoring the signs that my body is telling me. This is going to be really tough, since I carry 15lbs. of equipment with me every weekend for weddings. I'm just going to have to be really conscious about how I hold my camera.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Second OB Appointment (12 Weeks)
Nick and I had my second OB appointment on Wednesday. Believe me, I was most excited that we were past the transvaginal ultrasound stage! No more peeing on the ultrasound tech! Yay! :)
This was the first appointment with blood work. Oh, goodie. My favorite thing. As they were putting in the needle, I just kept thinking of mom getting needled every day for years, and I didn't complain. Of course, I didn't love it, but once life hits you in the face with a dose of perspective, you tend to do things differently. I just kept looking at my "strength" tattoo.
Filling out the paperwork (I look handicapped here):
I am up 4 pounds from the last visit, to 180. I was actually shocked that it wasn't higher, as it has been toooooo hot to run (for example: it was 106 when I got home today), and I have been eating like crazy. Everything I have read says that you're not supposed to gain in the 1st trimester, but since eating keeps me from feeling more nauseous, I consider 4 pounds a victory. It will hopefully cool off again soon, so I can get back to running. This kid is definitely a mix of Nick and I: its favorite foods are french fries and pasta!
I absolutely love the ultrasound part. It's so cool to see the heartbeat flutter, and see all the new parts that have formed. The nugget now looks more like an actual baby (with a *huge* head--like Sputnik!), instead of a tadpole. I am thankful I don't have to be like Rachel (from "Friends") and ask the ultrasound tech where it is over and over--I had no trouble making everything out on the screen. Clear head and body, arms and legs. Nugget had their hand up where the nose would be, so it looked a little like Pinocchio or something. I'm thinking either Nugget is self-conscious of its nose already, or it was giving us the Fist Pump of Power!
One temporarily nervous moment was when the ultrasound tech was looking for the nuchal wall (the thickness between the skin and the spine on the back of the neck--includes the muscle tissue), and she kept looking and looking. I got a little uneasy, thinking, "Is this a bad thing, or a good thing?" She eventually got the angle she was looking for, measured, and told us that it was the correct thickness (a symptom of Down's Syndrome is to have a nuchal wall thickness of 3 or more--mine was 1.3).
While she was looking, though, she kept the ultrasound wand still for a few seconds, and I got to see the little Nugget jump a little bit! Until now, it's just been kind of a static image, without any noticeable movement. So it was amazing to see it move on it's own, instead of moving because of the ultrasound movement.
I was really nervous before the appointment for some reason, that we wouldn't hear a heartbeat, or that the baby would be stillborn or something. I haven't had any worries about that before now, so it was weird that that was kind of running through my head. I guess because I was feeling a little bit better in the afternoons, and I thought that maybe it meant that something was wrong. Just crazy talk.
I did mention to the doctor about my being down in the dumps (Andrea). She did seem very concerned, and has Nick on "sadness watch". She said if I'm not better in two weeks, that I am supposed to go back. I'm hoping that feeling better physically will help me to feel better mentally. (She did suggest maybe having a sweet tea every now and then would make me feel better. Hey--if the doctor orders it...)
I also did a breast cancer screening, since I can't do any mammograms while pregnant/nursing. It will check for the breast cancer gene. It's an expensive test, but since we're definitely going to hit our deductible this year, it is as good a time as any.
I'm going to have to start doing a weekly photo--my shorts are getting tighter, so I'll actually have something to show!
This was the first appointment with blood work. Oh, goodie. My favorite thing. As they were putting in the needle, I just kept thinking of mom getting needled every day for years, and I didn't complain. Of course, I didn't love it, but once life hits you in the face with a dose of perspective, you tend to do things differently. I just kept looking at my "strength" tattoo.
Filling out the paperwork (I look handicapped here):
I am up 4 pounds from the last visit, to 180. I was actually shocked that it wasn't higher, as it has been toooooo hot to run (for example: it was 106 when I got home today), and I have been eating like crazy. Everything I have read says that you're not supposed to gain in the 1st trimester, but since eating keeps me from feeling more nauseous, I consider 4 pounds a victory. It will hopefully cool off again soon, so I can get back to running. This kid is definitely a mix of Nick and I: its favorite foods are french fries and pasta!
I absolutely love the ultrasound part. It's so cool to see the heartbeat flutter, and see all the new parts that have formed. The nugget now looks more like an actual baby (with a *huge* head--like Sputnik!), instead of a tadpole. I am thankful I don't have to be like Rachel (from "Friends") and ask the ultrasound tech where it is over and over--I had no trouble making everything out on the screen. Clear head and body, arms and legs. Nugget had their hand up where the nose would be, so it looked a little like Pinocchio or something. I'm thinking either Nugget is self-conscious of its nose already, or it was giving us the Fist Pump of Power!
One temporarily nervous moment was when the ultrasound tech was looking for the nuchal wall (the thickness between the skin and the spine on the back of the neck--includes the muscle tissue), and she kept looking and looking. I got a little uneasy, thinking, "Is this a bad thing, or a good thing?" She eventually got the angle she was looking for, measured, and told us that it was the correct thickness (a symptom of Down's Syndrome is to have a nuchal wall thickness of 3 or more--mine was 1.3).
While she was looking, though, she kept the ultrasound wand still for a few seconds, and I got to see the little Nugget jump a little bit! Until now, it's just been kind of a static image, without any noticeable movement. So it was amazing to see it move on it's own, instead of moving because of the ultrasound movement.
I was really nervous before the appointment for some reason, that we wouldn't hear a heartbeat, or that the baby would be stillborn or something. I haven't had any worries about that before now, so it was weird that that was kind of running through my head. I guess because I was feeling a little bit better in the afternoons, and I thought that maybe it meant that something was wrong. Just crazy talk.
I did mention to the doctor about my being down in the dumps (Andrea). She did seem very concerned, and has Nick on "sadness watch". She said if I'm not better in two weeks, that I am supposed to go back. I'm hoping that feeling better physically will help me to feel better mentally. (She did suggest maybe having a sweet tea every now and then would make me feel better. Hey--if the doctor orders it...)
I also did a breast cancer screening, since I can't do any mammograms while pregnant/nursing. It will check for the breast cancer gene. It's an expensive test, but since we're definitely going to hit our deductible this year, it is as good a time as any.
I'm going to have to start doing a weekly photo--my shorts are getting tighter, so I'll actually have something to show!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Friends are Treasures
A friend of mine wrote me an email in response to my post a few days ago, and it spoke so clearly to me that I wanted to keep a record of it. So I've decided to post the text here. To this friend: your words came in a moment I desperately needed to hear these specific words of encouragement. I am so thankful for you, and will continue to return to these words over the next few months, I am sure!
"Love the blog. I thought about commenting on the post, but then I thought I'd just write you. Oh my friend, you are in full-blown motherdom. There are few situations in which a person can fill such INTENSE mixed emotions. You feel like *&%$ right now. It makes sense that you would be depressed. It makes sense that you don't know whether or not to be excited. It makes sense that nannying is hard (I don't really like babysitting much at all, unless it's for kids I love, and even then....well.) It's like marriage...the hardest thing and the most wonderful thing. But once you look into those little eyes, those eyes that are part Allison and part Nick, you will fall in love in a whole new way. Yes, it will be crazy, and you won't know what you're doing, and you'll wonder who signed you up for this, but you will do it. And a few years down the road, you'll be writing to a pregnant friend and telling her the same thing.
I remember those days of early pregnancy. They sucked. I just wanted them to be over. Every day dragged on forever. But then one day, I felt something lifting. And the next day I felt a little better. And the next day I dared to hope the sickness was subsiding. And then it did (I know that as a teacher you taught your kids not to start sentences with "and then." I'm a rebel.) You are going to be an incredible mother. When those feelings of doubt or anger or depression or frustration come, know that they are totally normal, and if you can, try to turn them into a prayer (hmmm, I'm one to talk...) I know it must be so hard not to have your mom to talk to about all of this. I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine how badly that hurts and the depth of the loss you feel. The one thing I know though, is that your mom gave birth to baby who would become an incredible woman, who is talented, smart, funny, fun-loving, radiant, creative, positive, beautiful, and most of all a child of God, who will herself be an amazing mother.
I'm here for you. PLEASE tell me what I can do and how I can help. I know it feels like you're in a dark hole with a cloud hanging over you, but keep going, my friend. You are running a marathon of sorts...but you are an amazing runner, and more importantly, you know the One who can teach you how to run.
I love you!!"
"Love the blog. I thought about commenting on the post, but then I thought I'd just write you. Oh my friend, you are in full-blown motherdom. There are few situations in which a person can fill such INTENSE mixed emotions. You feel like *&%$ right now. It makes sense that you would be depressed. It makes sense that you don't know whether or not to be excited. It makes sense that nannying is hard (I don't really like babysitting much at all, unless it's for kids I love, and even then....well.) It's like marriage...the hardest thing and the most wonderful thing. But once you look into those little eyes, those eyes that are part Allison and part Nick, you will fall in love in a whole new way. Yes, it will be crazy, and you won't know what you're doing, and you'll wonder who signed you up for this, but you will do it. And a few years down the road, you'll be writing to a pregnant friend and telling her the same thing.
I remember those days of early pregnancy. They sucked. I just wanted them to be over. Every day dragged on forever. But then one day, I felt something lifting. And the next day I felt a little better. And the next day I dared to hope the sickness was subsiding. And then it did (I know that as a teacher you taught your kids not to start sentences with "and then." I'm a rebel.) You are going to be an incredible mother. When those feelings of doubt or anger or depression or frustration come, know that they are totally normal, and if you can, try to turn them into a prayer (hmmm, I'm one to talk...) I know it must be so hard not to have your mom to talk to about all of this. I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine how badly that hurts and the depth of the loss you feel. The one thing I know though, is that your mom gave birth to baby who would become an incredible woman, who is talented, smart, funny, fun-loving, radiant, creative, positive, beautiful, and most of all a child of God, who will herself be an amazing mother.
I'm here for you. PLEASE tell me what I can do and how I can help. I know it feels like you're in a dark hole with a cloud hanging over you, but keep going, my friend. You are running a marathon of sorts...but you are an amazing runner, and more importantly, you know the One who can teach you how to run.
I love you!!"
Sunday, September 16, 2012
That was a first.
Just ordered my first maternity clothes!
I got some basics from Old Navy:
4 tops,
3 tanks,
1 pair of trouser jeans (demi panel)
and 1 pair of dark wash skinny jeans (full panel)
Awesome, except I totally forgot to use my employee discount, so when everything comes in, I'm going to have to go and get the price adjusted in the store. Maternity brain strikes again!!
Speaking of maternity brain, here is the best example so far:
I went to In-N-Out for dinner one night (fries craving), and when I got up to the window, I gave them my credit card. Well, they don't take AmEx--which was weird, because I knew that, and that isn't the card I would normally use. I look through my wallet, and I CANNOT find my regular card. I kind of start freaking out a little bit, because I can't remember where I would've put it, or when I would've used it last. There were people behind me and in front of me in the drive thru, and I was super embarrassed. Thankfully, the manager just asked me to come back and pay later, and they would give me my food (didn't even have to tell him I was pregnant--yay In-N-Out). I get home, and am getting my stuff together (and worrying about how I am going to pay them, because I don't have any cash or anything), and I notice that my credit card I was searching for....was in my lap. I then remembered that at the beginning of the drive-thru line, I thought I would save myself some time by getting my card out early--but then I completely forgot that I did that!
Duh.
p.s. Yes, I DID go back to In-N-Out and pay.
I got some basics from Old Navy:
4 tops,
3 tanks,
1 pair of trouser jeans (demi panel)
and 1 pair of dark wash skinny jeans (full panel)
Awesome, except I totally forgot to use my employee discount, so when everything comes in, I'm going to have to go and get the price adjusted in the store. Maternity brain strikes again!!
Speaking of maternity brain, here is the best example so far:
I went to In-N-Out for dinner one night (fries craving), and when I got up to the window, I gave them my credit card. Well, they don't take AmEx--which was weird, because I knew that, and that isn't the card I would normally use. I look through my wallet, and I CANNOT find my regular card. I kind of start freaking out a little bit, because I can't remember where I would've put it, or when I would've used it last. There were people behind me and in front of me in the drive thru, and I was super embarrassed. Thankfully, the manager just asked me to come back and pay later, and they would give me my food (didn't even have to tell him I was pregnant--yay In-N-Out). I get home, and am getting my stuff together (and worrying about how I am going to pay them, because I don't have any cash or anything), and I notice that my credit card I was searching for....was in my lap. I then remembered that at the beginning of the drive-thru line, I thought I would save myself some time by getting my card out early--but then I completely forgot that I did that!
Duh.
p.s. Yes, I DID go back to In-N-Out and pay.
Friday, September 14, 2012
This is as real as it gets.
I've been struggling on whether I should/how I should write this. Because I have heard the responses to it so often. And I'm supposed to be happy. After all, I'm finally pregnant! But at the same time, this needs to be a place to journal my thoughts. My friend here in LA said that she used to journal on the hard days. I am going to want to know how I was feeling when I was pregnant. And, God forbid, if I never get to see my kids when they are pregnant, I want them to know what it was like for me. Because I have no idea what it was like for my mom to be pregnant, other than hearing her say several times that she loved being pregnant.
Right now, I don't understand that statement. Because I don't love being pregnant. In fact, it has been 11 weeks and 1 day of torture. Sick, tired, indigestion, depressed, hungry, nauseous, fat-feeling. I have felt all of these things on repeat and it has not been fun.
I'm also not excited right now to have a baby. I know I *should* be. I know I have waited all this time, and everyone else is excited, so I should be excited, but I'm not.
I think a big part of this is because of my job. I have not enjoyed nannying. I have tolerated it, but I have not enjoyed it on a consistent basis. So many people have said, "You're getting such great training!" What I want to say is that although it might have been great training in theory, I would much rather have been doing these difficult days with a fussing, screaming child with a baby that I LOVE unconditionally. Instead, I have done it with a child that I got to know as we went along, and to be honest, most of the time it just pissed me off. The first 3 months of my job were full of frustration and tears for me, and although it has improved since then, it has only been a marginal improvement. I just find myself getting more and more irritated with things (both that I have to deal with at nannying, and what I see just out-and-about), and thinking about having to deal with a newborn of my own is just overwhelmingly exhausting to think about.
I get irritated when I hear a screaming baby out in public, and then I get upset because I realize that I am pregnant and am going to have to deal with a screaming baby. I get frustrated when little man won't stop screaming in his crib for no reason at all other than he is mad--but then I get upset because I realize that I am pregnant and babies aren't logical, and I am going to have to deal with the same thing with my own kid. I can't function well or behave nicely if I don't get adequate sleep, and everyone keeps reminding me that I am not going to get any sleep after the baby is born, which just unnerves me. And although it is shallow and selfish, I look at my body and realize that it is never going to be the same (and is only going to get fatter), and I get sad.
(reading that paragraph back, it all sounds so selfish. but again--this is how I am feeling, selfishness and all. at the root of everything is my selfishness, and how this baby has gotten "in the way" of what I thought my life was going to do.)
It also seems like I am only hearing more and more of the frustrations that people have with their kids. People saying that newborns are hard work and no fun. People posting about the frustrating or irritating things that their kids are doing. It really discourages me as a pregnant mom, and almost makes me regret our decisions.
I know. I know all the retorts to this. "It's different with your own kids.""You'll feel differently when you're not sick all the time." "Babies are wonderful."
But those statements are little satisfaction to me these days. It's one of the reasons why I am quitting nannying. I need some time to be able to enjoy the fact that I am going to have a baby that is just me and Nick's. I need to be able to enjoy this time of being pregnant, and feeling my body change and appreciate that this is exactly as God has ordained it to be. That being a mom, and going through these changes, and dealing with these conflicting emotions is completely normal. And when I am getting frustrated daily by a baby, it's not so good for my level of understanding, or my excitement level.
I am happy when I read about other moms who have been sick or depressed their first trimester, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone. But I worry that I AM alone in my not being 100% behind this baby right now. Can I just give birth to a well-behaved 8-year old? Because I could deal with that. 8-year olds I get. 8-day olds I don't.
Right now, I don't understand that statement. Because I don't love being pregnant. In fact, it has been 11 weeks and 1 day of torture. Sick, tired, indigestion, depressed, hungry, nauseous, fat-feeling. I have felt all of these things on repeat and it has not been fun.
I'm also not excited right now to have a baby. I know I *should* be. I know I have waited all this time, and everyone else is excited, so I should be excited, but I'm not.
I think a big part of this is because of my job. I have not enjoyed nannying. I have tolerated it, but I have not enjoyed it on a consistent basis. So many people have said, "You're getting such great training!" What I want to say is that although it might have been great training in theory, I would much rather have been doing these difficult days with a fussing, screaming child with a baby that I LOVE unconditionally. Instead, I have done it with a child that I got to know as we went along, and to be honest, most of the time it just pissed me off. The first 3 months of my job were full of frustration and tears for me, and although it has improved since then, it has only been a marginal improvement. I just find myself getting more and more irritated with things (both that I have to deal with at nannying, and what I see just out-and-about), and thinking about having to deal with a newborn of my own is just overwhelmingly exhausting to think about.
I get irritated when I hear a screaming baby out in public, and then I get upset because I realize that I am pregnant and am going to have to deal with a screaming baby. I get frustrated when little man won't stop screaming in his crib for no reason at all other than he is mad--but then I get upset because I realize that I am pregnant and babies aren't logical, and I am going to have to deal with the same thing with my own kid. I can't function well or behave nicely if I don't get adequate sleep, and everyone keeps reminding me that I am not going to get any sleep after the baby is born, which just unnerves me. And although it is shallow and selfish, I look at my body and realize that it is never going to be the same (and is only going to get fatter), and I get sad.
(reading that paragraph back, it all sounds so selfish. but again--this is how I am feeling, selfishness and all. at the root of everything is my selfishness, and how this baby has gotten "in the way" of what I thought my life was going to do.)
It also seems like I am only hearing more and more of the frustrations that people have with their kids. People saying that newborns are hard work and no fun. People posting about the frustrating or irritating things that their kids are doing. It really discourages me as a pregnant mom, and almost makes me regret our decisions.
I know. I know all the retorts to this. "It's different with your own kids.""You'll feel differently when you're not sick all the time." "Babies are wonderful."
But those statements are little satisfaction to me these days. It's one of the reasons why I am quitting nannying. I need some time to be able to enjoy the fact that I am going to have a baby that is just me and Nick's. I need to be able to enjoy this time of being pregnant, and feeling my body change and appreciate that this is exactly as God has ordained it to be. That being a mom, and going through these changes, and dealing with these conflicting emotions is completely normal. And when I am getting frustrated daily by a baby, it's not so good for my level of understanding, or my excitement level.
I am happy when I read about other moms who have been sick or depressed their first trimester, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone. But I worry that I AM alone in my not being 100% behind this baby right now. Can I just give birth to a well-behaved 8-year old? Because I could deal with that. 8-year olds I get. 8-day olds I don't.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Maternity Musings
Haven't posted in a little while, so here's some things in tidbits:
* Every time I poop these days, I want to throw a party for my intestinal tract, simply because it is such an infrequent occurrence.
* Milk is amazingly good tasting. The major acne it puts on my back isn't worth it, though.
* I am still nauseous all day, every day. This makes me very cranky and frustrated. I will write more about this soon.
* Cheese is also amazingly delicious. This does not help with point #1.
* I'm staying busy--really getting involved at church. I work in Sunday school every week, and I'm going to start helping out in the women's ministry. I love my church and the people in it, so I'm happy to do it. Girls on the Run also starts this week.
* I am in the home stretch for nannying. My last day is September 27.
* I worked at Old Navy on Labor Day. Gotta keep my discount for baby clothes and maternity wardrobe! I bought a sweatshirt for.... $0.31!!! Christy would be proud. :)
* I made a pork loin for dinner the other night. I ate one bite and threw the rest of mine on Nick's plate. I do not eat pork, apparently.
* I have woken up at 3am every morning the last couple of weeks. I wake up ravenous. I should really start keeping food by my bed.
* Note to self: although you want to have birth photography done, do NOT watch entire slideshows of examples. It WILL freak you out.
* I am shooting 3 weddings the rest of the weekends in September. The photographers that I work for are having twins, and she was just put on bed rest. So I am taking over for her the next 3 Saturdays. It's days like that I wish I could still drink caffeine. I'm going to be TIRED!!!
* Speaking of tired, I have gone to bed at the average time of 9:30pm. I also take 2 naps during the day.
* Every time I poop these days, I want to throw a party for my intestinal tract, simply because it is such an infrequent occurrence.
* Milk is amazingly good tasting. The major acne it puts on my back isn't worth it, though.
* I am still nauseous all day, every day. This makes me very cranky and frustrated. I will write more about this soon.
* Cheese is also amazingly delicious. This does not help with point #1.
* I'm staying busy--really getting involved at church. I work in Sunday school every week, and I'm going to start helping out in the women's ministry. I love my church and the people in it, so I'm happy to do it. Girls on the Run also starts this week.
* I am in the home stretch for nannying. My last day is September 27.
* I worked at Old Navy on Labor Day. Gotta keep my discount for baby clothes and maternity wardrobe! I bought a sweatshirt for.... $0.31!!! Christy would be proud. :)
* I made a pork loin for dinner the other night. I ate one bite and threw the rest of mine on Nick's plate. I do not eat pork, apparently.
* I have woken up at 3am every morning the last couple of weeks. I wake up ravenous. I should really start keeping food by my bed.
* Note to self: although you want to have birth photography done, do NOT watch entire slideshows of examples. It WILL freak you out.
* I am shooting 3 weddings the rest of the weekends in September. The photographers that I work for are having twins, and she was just put on bed rest. So I am taking over for her the next 3 Saturdays. It's days like that I wish I could still drink caffeine. I'm going to be TIRED!!!
* Speaking of tired, I have gone to bed at the average time of 9:30pm. I also take 2 naps during the day.
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