The Best Advice

At my shower in Ohio, my cousin and friend put out cards for people to give me advice. I've also gotten some really good advice since then, too. I thought I'd assemble them all here:

* "Be your own best advice giver. God gives you the best instincts for your kids. Do what's best for you and your family!"
* "Just be like you always are! You are so much fun and will be an amazing mom!"
* "Reading and snuggling with baby are the best times! No matter how old he or she is, NEVER stop praying for your children."
* "It is a wonderful adventure Enjoy every minute of it and 'go with the flow'. LOL. You will be a wonderful mommy!"
* "Love your baby like you loved your students!"
* "Give him a soccer ball early."
* "Keep a journal or at least find a moment to jot down the things that make you smile. The moments pass so quickly as they grow. It's a blessing to have something to read over the teenage years and remember where the story began. Oh...and sleep when the baby sleeps."
* "You have so much love in your heart to give--just follow your heart!"
* "Be sure to enjoy your entire pregnancy, it goes so fast! Make sure to have mommy time, we all need it."

This letter came from a friend...I love it, and am going to post it in its entirety. I can feel that what she says will be a struggle for me, so it was a timely note. I want to be able to come back to it in the future to remind myself of the truths it contains:


"I’m starting this letter off by telling you that it is full of grammar errors. I did not take the time to reread or change anything! Sorry!! At your shower, there was a little basket with note cards asking us to write down a word of advice to you, the new Mom-to-be. I’ve never really liked shower advice cards because I have a hard time thinking of the important things to say on the spot. Well, I’ve taken some time to think of the best advice to give you and here it is ….

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS!!

I don’t know how else to tell you this. It’s going to be rough. Comparing yourself to other Moms is HARD stuff. Maybe since you’re an older (don’t that that wrong way) Momma with a lot of confidence, then you won’t fight with this pesky struggle. I hope so!! Sleepless nights, moody kids, sore nipples, temper tantrums, explosive diapers, throw up, food stuck on walls, lack of showers … none of these will hurt you like comparison will. Of course I know that it’s tempting to compare ourselves to others in all facets of life but there is just something about motherhood that brings out the worst in the jaws of comparison. I read a quote on a friend’s blog that said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If you’re not careful, it will suck the joy out of your Mommy days and your life. I’m sure you’ve already heard the words, “Mommy Wars.” While it’s true that these so called wars surface in varying opinions about parenting choices, I think the real Mommy war is in our hearts.

Allison, you will know when comparison creeps into your heart because you will most likely respond in 1 of 3 ways; anger, discouragement, or pride. You’ll walk away from a blog, someone’s house, facebook or a conversation with another Mom and feel angry at yourself or your spouse and take it out on everyone and be crabby! … Or you’ll be feel discouraged and try to implement some new “plan” to measure up to some aloof status or maybe you’ll wallow with a bag of Doritos and then feel even worse because you did that. Or you’ll pat yourself on the back and think yourself superior to another Mom who can’t cook or craft the way you do or communicate with their child in the most awesome way you can.

Unfortunately this comparison struggle starts during pregnancy and rolls over into even the early days of Mommydom ;) One of the first questions that Moms get asked after birth is, “did you get an epidural?” As if that is the beginning of how awesome and loving we Mothers can be. Maybe your birth plan doesn’t go according to plan. Or worse, your birth is as perfect and predictable as you have ever dreamed and pride creeps in when you hear of a Mom who opted for an early epidural. Maybe you’ll read a blog about a Mom who is feeding her kiddos 100% organic food 100% of the time since day one and making her eggnog and cheese from scratch and you feel inadequate. You’re at a friend’s house and her bathroom is spotless and everything appears to be perfectly organized and you feel like a failure because instead of “getting things done” yesterday like she did, you watched the today show, took a nap, made an easy dinner, and just kept the baby alive. Maybe you’re at “In and Out” with baby girl and you hear a Mom get impatient with her young son and you think, “I can’t believe she said that to him, I’ll never do that.” Maybe down the road you’ll read about some amazing tradition or awesome cupcakes that someone made and you’ll feel angry that Nick isn’t on board with all the rules and things you want to implement. Or maybe you will be the Mom that has the best birthday parties with the perfect cakes and all smiley faces. The list could go on and on and on ….

This war rages in our hearts because we have set other Moms and Pinterest as our standard. We have let earthly (sometimes good) things become THE things and before you know it, you have forgotten where your real identity lies. You have forgotten that you are a child of God. You have forgotten that the only person we can compare ourselves too is Christ and every time we will fall short! But, Guess what?? You don’t have to wallow in self-pity and focus on self because you actually have Christ’s righteousness and you have his Grace and forgiveness that abounds and gives life now and forever. You can focus on being a faithful parent and let all of the other preferences fall as they will over time as you learn and grow. You can forgive and understand and empathize with Moms who struggle and respect them when they prefer something different than yourself. In your heart … Want the things that God wants and believe what God says about himself and about who you are IN CHRIST!!!

Don’t get me wrong. Learning from other Moms and emulating good decisions is great. Admonishing our friends is what we should do. So, when you see or read something and comparison creeps in, celebrate with that Mom or person for their skill and good deed. It’s popular now to judge Moms for seeming to be too perfect. You know, we say, “No one is perfect” and “I like her because she’s real.” Most of the time we say and think those things to make ourselves feel better instead of being happy for someone else. We think that crafty Moms with obedient kids aren’t being honest. Oh well, some Moms really are more optimistic, manage time better, are craftier, better cooks, or have easy kids! That is wonderful! When you see a Mom struggle, admit your own struggles and pray for them and for yourself. Admit your sins, walk in grace, ask for forgiveness, love, and don’t compare ….. but if you do there is grace for that, too."