Our Birth "Plan"

Nick and I finished our last childbirth class last night. It was an awesome experience. I learned a lot, and I think Nick was really pleased with it, too. He came out of it saying that he was happy that he took the class, and would recommend it to others. Our instructor was great--she had 9 kids of her own, and was also a birth doula--so she definitely had experience on her side! She was blunt and to-the-point in her stories and instruction, something I really appreciated. While, yes, at times her words might have made us laugh uncomfortably, I would much rather have that than leave the class confused by something that she said.

I really learned a lot. I thought I knew a lot about childbirth, but just like any subject, there's always a lot more to learn. We started the class the first week by talking about the actual, physical process of birthing--what your body does at what times. Halfway through the class, Nick leans over to me and says, "I feel like we're becoming grown-ups." Haha--very true! There was definitely no sugar-coating the process. Then, we learned some relaxation techniques and practiced them...darn! I just hate that we had to practice massage techniques for a half-hour (haha!).

The next couple of classes we went through more specifically into managing contractions and going through the stages of labor. We watched a couple of birth videos and practiced massage techniques some more.

In the fourth class we discussed expectations for birth, which was one of my favorite classes. She talked a lot about having a "Birth Preference" sheet instead of a "Birth Plan". The reason being you will never follow a birth plan exactly! She compared it to your wedding day. How many people's wedding days go off exactly as planned with no complications or disappointments?

Everyone has expectations and worries and concerns going into their baby's arrival. Everyone has preconceived notions about how it is going to go. The instructor told us to really think about what we wanted to happen, but also be willing to be flexible and keep in mind that your birth preferences might need to change 180degrees from what you anticipate!

The way she got us thinking about this was to have us write down the typical things that show up on birth plans onto little index cards. On one side, we would write one aspect of the birth process, and on the opposite side, we would write the opposite of that (for example, epidural on one side, no epidural on the other). The only card where we didn't write the opposite was "healthy baby", which we wrote on both sides.

She then told us that we had to put a star on the side of the card that we wanted on our birth preferences sheet.
I starred:
* baby born before due date
* no epidural
* vaginal birth
* my own gown
* bag of waters breaks on its own
* spontaneous pushing
* periodic monitoring of fetus
* immediate skin-to-skin contact
* no pitocin
* healthy baby girl
* walk and move during labor
* no narcotics

If everything goes exactly as I hope, this is what my birth will look like. And yes, I am that crazy fool who wants to try a drug-free birth!

Anyways, after we put our cards out, starred-side up, the instructor told us that we were now in labor, and there were 3 things we needed to get rid of. She said to choose the 3 things that we were willing to compromise on first, and turn them over to the other side. (I don't remember exactly what I chose, but I *think* I first switched to hospital gown, continuous monitoring, and baby born after due date)

After that, she told us to do it again. Let me tell you, after the first 3, it got a lot harder! I think I chose rest and lay down during labor, pitocin, and direct pushing. After the 2nd 3, she told us to do it one more time, choosing 3 more things that we had to be willing to change on.

At that point, she said that the whole process was to see what you were willing to change on, and also to get you thinking about how things will probably not go as you expect. But she said that with everyone, the one thing they wouldn't change was "healthy baby". No matter how your birth preferences change, everyone wants a healthy baby at the end.

I know I have grand plans, and in fact during this entire pregnancy, many of my grand plans haven't gone as planned at all. But the important thing that she stressed was to prepare for change, and then process that change as it happens. She also recommended getting together with your hubby about 3 weeks after birth and talking about what happened at the birth, and really dissecting how you felt about the pleasures and the disappointments. A lot of resources exist for moms before birth, but there aren't a lot of resources for moms after birth--at least not in relation to how they felt about their childbirth experience. A lot of women bury their feelings and then struggle to come to terms with them later.

I am praying now that if even I have to have EVERYTHING the opposite of "my plan", I will be able to process those disappointments and still be able to enjoy the whole experience as much as possible.

On a side note, I think it's hilarious that I now do this more often than not:

It's handy to have a built-in table to sit my food on! Too bad that table also makes it so difficult to get up and down. :)