Chiming in...

I'm not one to comment on social or political happenings--at least, not on my blog.  Go ahead and look back--I usually write about what's happening with Avonlea, or how I'm feeling about being a mom.

It just so happens that the whole "Miley Cyrus debacle" hits on one of those areas.

There have been SO many posts about Miley, condemning her actions and calling her all manner of names. I was disgusted by the whole situation, as well. I, however, was not only disgusted by Miley's actions, but by Robin Thicke's. He is singing a song that has a repeated lyric of, "I know you want it." He is a married man, onstage doing inappropriate things with another woman.  There are double standards of sexuality on display that rankled my sense of morality. So, yes, the whole situation bothered me.

But mainly, it made me worried.

This isn't the first time in my lifetime that the standards of sexuality have been lowered in the public eye. When I was growing up, it was Madonna who was setting the standards. I remember a huge brou-haha when her "Erotica" video was released. When I was a little older, it was Madonna and Christina and Britney and their kissing fiasco.  Later still was Janet and her "wardrobe malfunction." And even on the show with the Miley issue was another superstar pop icon wearing a seashell bra and thong throughout the telecast (no one comments on that, however).

I don't think we're going to have a culture that stops any of these actions anytime soon. Sadly, it's what happens when we live in a fallen world.

My worry comes from the fact that I'm raising a little girl in a culture that accepts and values warped views of the female body. A culture that hails "women's rights" as an equal exchange for a distorted view of sexuality. A culture that turns a blind eye to the sexual deviancy that is prevalent in every single American city (see my friend's blog for a great post about this).

I grew up in a culture completely different than the one Avonlea is going to be exposed to. Even though I grew up in the Madonna zeitgeist, I was pretty sheltered in my little Baptist house and church. I remember sitting on the bus when I was in middle school, looking at the boys and girls sitting around me holding hands and snuggling up to each other, and being fascinated with it. Thank God He kept me just on the ugly side of the "ugly duckling syndrome" long enough to not get caught up in the physicality of relationships too early.  Even though I wasn't holding hands with anyone, I desired it so greatly. I wanted someone to cherish me. From the pictures I see of some of my former students on social media, I know that those same things happen still--only they are even further down "the line of sexual progression" than we were.

While my growing up was sheltered (and yes, there are negatives to that, too), there were also a lot more days of childhood innocence. While I spent my middle school years yearning for a boyfriend, I was also saved from dealing with physical pressures too early.  While I spent 3.95 of my high school years without a boyfriend, I spent that time in school activities and sports with friends (both guy and girl), not wrapped around a guy in the hallway 24/7.

And I worry that Avonlea won't get to experience that. I live in the 2nd largest city in the United States. The opportunities here are endless for both good and bad.  I also live in one of the most image-conscious cities in the world. Everyone here is so obsessed with health, fitness (not bad things in moderation), fashion, and being thin, it is like a god.  There are ads everywhere for liposuction and plastic surgery. The photoshopped images shout at you from every corner. I want to keep my little girl sheltered from all that.

At the same time, being sheltered from all of it doesn't teach you how to process it, either.  How many stories are there of "good girl gone bad" when released on their own to college life? Even for myself, I did some things I'm not proud of after I was out of my parent's eye, because I wasn't taught how to engage in culture without compromising.

I think at the heart of so many of these things is what my pastor taught about a couple of weeks ago. If you have the chance, I would encourage you to listen to the podcast on Proverbs 22:6:

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

(There is a link to the podcasts here. Look for the 8/18/13 message.)

The crux of Joseph's message was that as parents, we have to do what we can (with God's help) to give our children a strong moral base for their lives--and that beyond that, God will fill in the gaps.  I can't hold Avonlea's hand through every step of her life. I can't guarantee that she will make the choices that I think she should make--in fact, she might go the opposite of all my hopes.  But I *can* do the best I can to raise a daughter that has a strong sense of self, and a strong desire to love God fully.  I can't guarantee that Avonlea will remain a virgin until she gets married (like her ugly duckling mom was blessed to do), but I can do my best (with God's help) to help Avonlea know truth:

• God loves her with an uncontrollable, unquenchable fire.
• God wants us to seek after Him with every fiber of our being--and he is waiting for us at the end of every search.
• God's plan for love isn't self-serving, the way that our culture views it.  The love that God has for you is self-sacrificing. Putting the needs of the other person above your own needs. The love that God has for you looks like the love that Jesus had for you.
• God wants us to have a love that consumes us. God wants you to have the passionate love story that you've always dreamed of. Think of Jesus--he loved us so much that he died for us. It would have felt better for himself to stay off of that cross. But He put himself at the mercy of others because He loved us.
• (and now I'm crying)
• A boyfriend is not the be-all-end-all. Most boys are just that--boys. They aren't mature enough to put your needs above theirs.
• A marriage isn't a guarantee. It is WORK. It is TIME. It is HARD.  Unlike the movies, the credits don't roll on a happy ending when the boy tells you he loves you. In real life, that's where the movie starts. Sometimes your movie is a comedy, sometimes it is a tragedy, sometimes it is a farce, or a romance, or an adventure.

What I want Avonlea to know above everything else is this:

The real be-all-end-all in life--the real adventure comes in living your life for someone else--and that someone is Jesus. Because in reality, boys will let you down. Dating will let you down. Marriage will let you down. Sex will let you down. But God--my dear, sweet girl--GOD will NEVER let you down.  He cares about every single morsel of your life. He knows how you will yearn for companionship. He knows how your heart will desire a boyfriend and a husband. He knows how you feel, because He desires US in the exact same way.

I wish I could tell Miley this. That living her life for herself isn't going to fill any gaps. That giving more away isn't going to bring her any satisfaction. It isn't going to make anyone respect her more.

I wish I could tell Robin this. That singing about desire and power over women isn't going to help him feel more in control. That the power this world gives in money and fame and sex isn't enough to fill a void. It's a drug that simply needs more and more from you, but gives nothing to you.

I worry for my daughter. I worry for her innocence and her little mind. I worry for her heart.  After this weekend, I won't just pray for her. I will pray for US.

How It's Going

A week ago, I posted that I was through with fighting with Avonlea and the swaddle. I was tired of her writhing in uncomfortability all night long, and I was through.

I am happy to say that a week later, she is done with the swaddle!  During naps, I wrap her up in a muslin blanket from the waist down, and at night I put her in a sleep sack.

I wish I could say it is great sleep all the time. But I would say she's about 50/50.

Yesterday, for instance, was golden. She took a 45 minute nap in the morning, a 3 hour nap in the afternoon, and then went to bed without a peep at 8pm. She slept 3-3.5 hour stretches overnight.

Today, however, she took a 3 hour nap at 11, and then was exhausted but would not nap in the afternoon. She then cried for an hour before finally falling asleep at 9pm.

This is what's it's been like all week. She'll have a great sleeping day, and then the next day will be terrible. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason about it. It's frustrating. I am surprised at how much harder it is to sleep-train your kid, as opposed to someone else's.

Part of her problem might be the transitioning we've done.  We not only transitioned her out of the swaddle, but last night was the first night that she slept in her own room.

She isn't in her crib yet--we actually just bought the mattress today. We moved her pack-n-play into her room last night, and put her to bed. She napped in her room today. I think we'll do another day or two with her pack-n-play in her room, and then put her bed in there for the final transition.

It was a bittersweet moment putting her to bed away from us.  Don't get me wrong: it was time. I was tired of all the car noise waking her up, or the dogs waking her up, or her waking me up every time she moved. I am glad the nightlight is out of our room, so it's not shining in my eyes anymore. I'm glad I can turn on my bedside light again and actually do a little night reading if I want. I'm glad if I get up and go to the bathroom I can turn the light on. I'm glad I can sleep with the draperies open again.

But there's a (very) little part of me that's sad that I'm not going to be able to just crawl to the end of the bed to watch her sleep, or to soothe her.  She's had her first graduation of many to come, and I am both proud and sad--a feeling I know will become all too familiar over time.

My Giggly Girl

Letter to Baby

Dear Avonlea,

Oh, little girl. You are so much fun. You are growing leaps and bounds these days in terms of your growth and development.

Physically, you are getting so big. Everyone exclaims about it whenever we go out. When I say you're 4 months old, people say, "oh, she's so big!" They say how long you are, and you really are--you are too long for 3 month clothes (and some 6 month clothes, too!).  At the doctor today, you were 25 inches long, which is in the 75th percentile. You're also getting more chunky. Your arms have the cutest little rolls, and your legs are getting a little dimply. You weigh 16 pounds 4 ounces--80th percentile!  Your carseat is getting harder and harder to carry!

Your long, darker hair that you've had since birth is almost all gone on the top--you just have a dark mullet around the base of your neck. More hair has started growing in, and it is all blonde, just like Daddy.

Your physical therapy is going well. The doctor thinks you have made really good progress. There's only about 10 degrees of rotation left for us to work on. You don't fuss as much during your appointments anymore, which is nice. Everyone at the doctor's office always dotes on you when you come in.

My days of calling you little miss Fussy Face are almost over. You are going to have to be called little miss Smiley Face from now on!  You love to smile, and are starting to really laugh at things now. You love to have your feet played with, and if I ever need you to smile, I just squeeze your little toes. You love your Daddy! He comes home from work and says "hi" to you, and your eyes just light up. We have snuggle kisses time in the evenings before you go to bed, and I love to see you smiling and laughing.

Your sleep is still not great, but it's because you're growing up in that department, too. You are officially out of a swaddle now. It took a few days of crying and struggling, but now you go down for naps and sleeping without too much fuss. Last night, you didn't cry at all when we put you to bed for the night!  You're only sleeping 4 hours max at a time overnight, so Mommy is going to work on breaking that habit. You take 2 or 3 naps a day.

This month, we took you to Disneyland for the first time. You loved all the colors and lights. We rode It's A Small World, the flying Dumbos, and the Pooh ride. You got a little scared on the Pooh ride when it got dark and played scary music, but other than that, you liked it!  You stayed up from 4:00 until 11:00, and fell asleep before we got out of the parking lot!  You just love to see what is going on around you!

We also took you to your first wedding. You did an amazing job! You were nice and quiet during the ceremony and you liked being outside. Everyone at our table couldn't believe how well-behaved you were.  You are so much better overall with being patient and having a longer attention span without being fussy.  I couldn't believe on Sunday that you could hang out with a friend for 4.5 hours while Mommy cooked!

We put you in your big stroller for the first time this month--you looked so little in it! I had to prop you up on a couple of blankets so that the seat restraints would fit the right way. :)

You're back to liking your car seat. You fuss getting in to it and getting out of it, but you do a good job riding in it once we get going.

You are growing so much developmentally, as well.  Your core is much stronger, and you can sit for longer periods of time (by being propped up, of course).  You are very engaged with your toys, and enjoy sitting in your high chair surrounded by them. You still aren't a fan of tummy time, but I can trick you by propping you up on your belly on the Boppy pillow, and you like it much better. You are grabbing things and putting them in your mouth, and you have started drooling a lot.  We bought you an exersaucer, and you love to sit in it and play.  A couple of times we have caught you falling asleep while sitting in your exersaucer or high chair!  You're more and more vocal every day. I always know when you're finally ready to get up for the day, because you'll lay in your pack-n-play and just sing to yourself (aah-aah-aah).  Oh--and you started rolling over again, after a long break (because you got too chubby to roll yourself over).

I am so blessed to be your mommy. You are changing so quickly now--I feel like every day you learn to do something new. It's amazing to see you grow more and more beautiful and sweet, and it's so neat to see how smart you are when you learn something new.  I'm so glad I get to spend the days with you.

Love,
Mommy

No More of This!!!

Last night was my breaking point.

Avonlea was up every hour or two throughout the night, writhing and crying out in her uncomfortable cry. I tried several different swaddlings, and she was breaking out or trying to break out of everything I did.

Finally, at about 4am, I took her into the family room and stuck her in the swing where she slept for 3 hours, and I was able to get some sleep.

I can't do this anymore. So, today started the "sleep without a swaddle" training. It took her 45 minutes to fall asleep during her nap today, but then she slept for 2 hours out of the swaddle.

Tonight, she was EXHAUSTED. I put her in a sleep sack, and she fell asleep within 5 minutes. But we'll see how long she stays asleep.

Of course, I can't sleep now.

My Little Mogwai

You know the movie Gremlins, right?  Kid buys this cute little Mogwai named Gizmo, with strict instructions not to get it wet or feed it after midnight, but there's an accident and Gizmo gets hit by water and produces MORE Mogwai who trick the kid into feeding them after midnight and they turn into Gremlins that terrorize the neighborhood?

I think my kid is a Mogwai.

Let me explain:

My girl is too big for the Miracle Blanket now. She's been able to get her arms out every night over the last week (she is The Hulk, I'm telling you!). So, I went to Target yesterday and bought 2 new LARGE SwaddleMe blankets (the ones with the Velcro). At this point, we have done the regular swaddle blankets (from Aden+Anais), the SwaddleMe, the Woombie, and the Miracle Blanket.  Now we're back to the SwaddleMe.

Last night:

8:15pm - Fed right before bed, then down to sleep (went down with less than 3 minutes of fussing--our nighttime routine is great).

10:30pm - Mommy just asleep, Avonlea wakes up, fighting out of her swaddle and fussing. Tried to shush her back to sleep, but she just got more and more worked up. Fed her again, fell right to sleep.

12:30am - Avonlea wakes up with both arms out of her swaddle. Wrapped her in her swaddle again, then zipped her up in the Woombie (yes, that's TWO swaddles at once). Fed her again, went right to sleep.

3:30am - Avonlea wakes up, fighting her swaddles. Fed her for a really short amount of time before she fell asleep "on the boob".

5:30am - Avonlea has managed to get one little hand up and out of both her swaddle AND the Woombie, and is scratching the craziness out of her ear (she does this when she's mad--she has cuts inside her ear from it) and yelling at me.  Re-wrap her, change her diaper, feed and put back to sleep.

7:45am - Avonlea in and out of light sleep, fighting her swaddle...again.  She has fought so much that she has inched herself up in the pack-n-play so that her head is right up against the top. I let her fuss for a while before getting her up at 8am to eat.

Can you see why I am exhausted?  This happens EVERY. NIGHT.  My little girl who slept for a 5- or 6-hour stretch, ate, then slept 3-4 hours has disappeared, and I am left with this awful Mogwai instead.  I KNOW she doesn't need to eat this often. In fact, most of the time, she spits up after eating. But I don't know how else to shush her. It would be great if she took a paci, because she could get that suck reflex soothed. But NOOOO, my girl won't take one. So I am stuck being the paci.

If my daughter jumps into a swimming pool without my knowledge, be worried.  (Gremlins reference, for those uninformed.)

InstaFriday

Avonlea's sleeping habits continue to be erratic. Here she is, sleeping 3 hours in a swing because she would not sleep in her bed:

If she gets quiet in the car, I take a picture so I can see if she is asleep or not. I thought her eyes looked beautiful here:

Going for a walk through our hilly neighborhood. She fell asleep almost before we got out of our driveway!

"Reading" the zoo newsletter. She had fun crinkling the pages.

Not *quite* done sleeping after a feeding.

She loves sitting in her high chair! I put her in the doorway of the kitchen with a few toys while I make dinner or do dishes.

Another afternoon up at the pool:

A night of insomnia and 1.5 hour sleeping stretches for Avonlea leave me exhausted, and her...smiling and giggly?  Not fair.

We went to Disneyland!!  We're in line for It's A Small World:

Happy girl in the morning:

PawPaw went to Disneyland with us:

Taking a nap together on mommy and daddy's bed: