Up until now, the only worry I had was sleep-related. I do not function well AT ALL on little sleep. I mean, its bad. I get really grumpy. I fall asleep doing important things. I end up hating everyone around me. Everyone keeps telling me about how I won't get any sleep after the baby gets here, and I am really frustrated by it because this is the one aspect of infant-dom that I really don't think I am going to be able to handle. It has kept me up at night--and NOTHING keeps me up. I can sleep through a hurricane. I'm a head-hits-the-pillow-and-I'm-out kind of girl. I really can sleep at any moment, at any time, and I'm worried about how I am going to maintain a loving, caring relationship with a little creature who won't let me get any sleep at all for the first 6 months.
But the last couple of weeks, I have added more worries. One thing I have really been worried about is going into pre-term labor and having the baby early. Not because I am worried about the labor, but because we aren't prepared supply-wise! After all, we don't even have the car seat--what if we have the baby, and then we can't bring her home because we don't have anything to bring her home in! The only diapers we have are the samples I have gotten in the registry packets and from my doctor, which means I have a total of a half-day's worth of diapers. At this rate, if we have the kid early, we're stopping by Target on the way home from the hospital!
I have several other friends who are having their first babies, and they have posted pictures of the nurseries that are adorably put together. These are pictures of our nursery right now:
Nice, huh?
The top picture shows all of the furniture that is stuffed in the room right now--not including the dresser that I have been working on down in the garage. The HUGE dresser. The center photo shows just how much walking room I have to get to the closet--the answer of which is none. In fact, to get to the closet, I have to climb over the futon. Why is all of this furniture shoved onto one side of the room? Because the amazing electrical display you see in that last picture is a result of some hidden breaker box somewhere in the house, deciding randomly in the last couple of weeks to stop working, thus causing half of the outlets in the house to stop working. I couldn't even get over to take pics of the closet, which is a tiny area of clothes, and then stuffed full of random crap that I am dying to get into and purge--but can't get to for the aforementioned reasons.
I didn't think I was a person who needed a nursery. In fact, we made plans to not really do anything at all, since we are planning on moving, plus the kid wouldn't really sleep in it for months anyway. But now that it's coming right down to it, I'm worried that we don't have one--just because I want to be able to have a peaceful, organized space for all of her stuff. I want to be able to put stuff up with her name on it, and have things all cute and put together, and I am definitely worried that that is something that isn't going to happen. Especially now with the electrical problems.
I'm trying not to worry about things--my weekly emails and the books that I am reading tell me that it is very normal to have worries--plus, I don't tend to be a worrywart about things. But it's really hard when I feel like I'm on this freight train to our due date and so much isn't happening. I don't even know where to start. I do think it's a good thing that I haven't been having nightmares about the baby. I don't think I would be doing very well if I was worrying all day and all night, too.
Thankfully, Nick's friend had our car seat mailed to us this week--so at least we'll be able to bring the kid home with us from the hospital. That's one worry I can get rid of (seriously--the relief flooded through me when I saw it on our doorstep). And my friends Jessie and Christy are hosting a shower for me on the 9th of March, so hopefully I'll get some more practical things from our registry.
It's normal to be concerned about the unknowns. It's always been a comfort to me to know that thousands of Mothers across the country/world are feeling and experiencing (even if they don't admit it) the same thing I am, and they are surviving. You can do it. You were made for this and the joy of the Lord is your strength. I got nervous about loss of sleep before each of my babies and sometimes I was a bear to live with after the baby was born, but I'm thankful for God's grace (I'm forgiven), John's patience(Nick will be patient too), and the fact that the grumpiness in no way affected my relationship with daughters. Somehow "it" will all come together and if it doesn't, then you will be able to comfort someone in the future who is experiencing the same thing you are right now. You are blessing and I love you!! Love your posts, Allison.
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