My Problem with Facebook

If you know me at all (and chances are if you're reading this blog, then you know me well), you'll know I am addicted to Facebook.  Yes, there are quirks about it, including the constantly changing formats and security issues, stupid app requests and annoying advertisements, etc. I really do get all of that. But considering it is a free service, there are so many great things about Facebook. One of my favorite things has been to be able to know what is going on in the lives of my family and friends, even when they are 2,000 miles away (or more). And though I'm going through this pregnancy away from most of my family and friends, as well, I really love being able to share things through Facebook that most people normally wouldn't get to know.

However, my biggest problem with Facebook is moms.

Specifically, moms who complain about their kids.

I have seen it over and over. Moms complaining about what their kids are doing or not doing, about what an annoyance it is to have kids, about how their kids are driving them to drink, etc.  I go to some people's home pages, and it is a veritable slam book, accounting all of their kids' various offenses.  Or, they are constantly posting "humorous" things about how horrible it is to have kids:

This bothers me.

I understand that a lot of it is meant to be humorous. I really do. I understand that people post these things to get the "oh, I totally understand!" responses. But for someone who is about to be a mommy, you're not really giving the mommy gig a very good reputation.  For someone who is leaving the bliss of kidless marriage for the realm of mommy-dom, you're making it seem as if I am entering some black hole of oblivion.  This includes the assumption that for the next several years I will wear nothing but yoga pants with my hair in a ponytail, forlornly remembering the years when I was able to actually put on makeup (with both hands, even!).

These posts were particularly bad at the end of the calendar year. Thankfully, it seems that in more recent days, Facebook moms have tempered their "my life sucks with kids" statuses with small blurbs at the end that say "but I wouldn't trade it for anything!"

I guess I feel that Facebook, in a way, has taken the mask off of mommydom. Instead of hearing only the stories from our own moms about how wonderful being a mom is (when they're 20 or 30+ years out of being with a newborn), we're inundated with daily statuses about how, when you get right down to it, being a mom is HARD.  And I guess, when it comes right down to it, I am scared of how hard it is going to be. Because to be honest, I have tended to shy away from hard things.

True, I lived on the other side of the world for a while. But my best friends were already there, so it's not like I was doing it by myself. Yes, I have sung the National Anthem in front of thousands of people, but I had already sung it myriads of times in smaller groups, so it wasn't as difficult. I can think of a myriad of things that I *haven't* done, just because I was scared of what might happen if I actually did them. I tend to not take that final leap.

And maybe this can be applied to why I didn't go to a doctor for such a long time--I didn't want to take the hard road to pregnancy--and perhaps, in some subliminal way, didn't want to take the hard road that is mommyhood. Because, let's face it--once you're in as a mom, there's no going back. Every day you're signed up for that life, and there's no quitting, and there's no going back on the commitment.

It is true, that the mask *needed* to be taken off of mommyhood. The June Cleaver version of the woman maintaining the household and raising model children is what it appears: a character for a fictional TV show. This type of wife and mother truly does not exist. And to read about that part of mommyhood, to read about the mask-less mommyhood, makes me encouraged: that everyone screws up, everyone will mess up their kids in one way or another--it's more important that you do your best and try to raise your children in the best way that you can.

I can live with that.  Flawed people raising flawed people, but with the best intentions, and hopefully with a little guidance (in the form of friends and family) and grace (in the form of a listening Heavenly ear).  I am hoping to do the best that I can with our baby girl. I know that there will be hard days (really--being a teacher prepared me really well for some aspects of mommyhood), but there will also be great days when you know you have the best job in the world.

I just wish that Facebook moms would do more proclaiming of the latter, and less of the former.