The Inconvenient Truth

Avonlea is 5 1/2 months old now. She's sitting up all by herself, she's smiley and giggly and overall a lot of fun.

But there are 2 things about her that are really inconvenient.

1. She only sleeps in 4-hour stretches.  I'm working on this, trying to sleep-train, but I am convinced that "sleep training" is loosely translated as "baby is fine and mommy gets no sleep".  Last night, she fussed for an hour before I just got so sick of it, I went in and fed her.  I didn't feed her very long--I cut her off after just a minute or two on each side--but I still fed her.  I was just tired of trying to get her to go back to sleep! But of course, after feeding her, she fell asleep immediately, and I was wide awake.

2. She won't take a bottle.  I've tried. I've done different bottles, different nipples, warm milk, cool milk, from a straw...nothing.  She gnaws on the bottle and gets a little bit, but there's no sucking at all.  Which means, she is handcuffed to me as her primary source of nutrition.  It makes "date night" a non-concept in our household.  Even me going out and doing anything by myself is a thing of the past.  I am limited to sub-3-hour excursions.

Both of these things are frustrating and inconvenient.

But, really, in the scheme of life, is it really that big of a deal?  Yes, it's inconvenient.  But, at most, it is a year. A year in the life of my sweet girl who is learning how to sleep and eat and, you know, live. Aren't there worse things to be handcuffed to than the life of the little one you birthed and are committed to help grow and mature and learn to do things in this crazy world?  Yes, breastfeeding in public is inconvenient, and carrying around an increasingly heavy baby is cumbersome, but when you compare it to the next 35 years when you'll be wishing you were able to control exactly where they go and what they eat, isn't it worth it to just suck it up for a year?

A year is nothing. It goes by so quickly, it can seem like it is a vapor. You look back and realize that the years have vanished, and you wonder what happened. I just think of the lyrics to the Trace Adkins song:

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times,
So take a good look around.
You may not know it now,
But you're gonna miss this.

There are so many things that I will look back on and wish I could do over again--and getting to snuggle with my baby is definitely one of them.

So while it is inconvenient, I do not regret it. I choose not to be angry or frustrated by it. I choose to embrace it, and hold my little girl for as long as she'll let me.

Letter to Baby

Dear Avonlea,

Oh, my girl. I love you so much. We have spent 5 months together, and I am learning more and more about you every day. Your little personality is starting to show, and you are going to be so feisty, I can already tell. :)

Everywhere we go, people comment on how big you are. You are 18 pounds 6 ounces, and most of your weight can be seen in your chunky thighs. You are now wearing 6-9 month clothes. You still wear hair bows everywhere we go, because if you don't, people ask if you are a boy or a girl (which makes mommy crazy). Thankfully, you don't mess with them too much. Every once in a while, when we are in the car, you will pull on it and it will snap down over your eyes, which you are not a fan of, understandably.  This month I bought you some sunglasses, and you're really good about keeping them on your face, too.  You're my little accessories queen!

You are getting so strong. You love standing up in your exersaucer, and you do really well with tummy time now. You still aren't really interested in rolling over, but you're getting closer. You play with your feet often, and tend to roll over onto your side while you're playing with them. You started sitting up on your own a little--if you're leaning forward you can balance for a few seconds on your own. You love to play with toys that are sitting around you.

You also hold yourself up when I'm holding you. You used to have to stay facing my shoulder, but now your core is strong enough that you can hold yourself up like a big girl. You put your right hand behind my shoulder and face everyone.

You love your naps. You usually take 2 or 3 naps a day, typically for 2 or more hours at a time. You sleep in a Sleep Sack, with a fan blowing on you, since it's been so hot this month. You still sleep with the white noise machine. You have also started sleeping with Boo, a stuffed dog. Usually you pull it towards you, and I will go in to check on you and you'll be sleeping with Boo on your head or face!  You have been scooting up while you sleep so your face is smooshed up against the crib bumper in your bed--I don't understand how it is at all comfortable.

You take great naps--but you aren't doing so well at night. You sleep between 2-4 hour stretches at a time. I am pretty sure you can sleep longer, but mommy is lazy. See, if I get up and feed you, you go right back to sleep. I am awake for maybe 10 minutes. But, if I don't feed you, then you cry, and I am up for at least 45 minutes, not able to sleep because you are crying.  *sigh*  I am sure I will get to the point where I don't want to get up anymore, but I am not there yet.

We did some exciting things this month, and you showed that you LOVE to be out and about, especially when you can people-watch! You especially love to sit in your Daddy's lap and watch things. You seem to get so calm when he is holding you.  We went to a Dodgers game and sat in the HOT sun, and you didn't complain once. You sweated like a little piglet, but you never complained!  We go to Baby Mamas group every week, and you're starting to acknowledge the other babies in the group. You are also really into watching the dogs. You laughed at Waldo for the first time this month--when he was jumping over Mommy's feet by the pool, you just thought it was so funny!  I love to hear your little giggle.

You giggle the most when we tickle your legs, or when we play "Airplane" with you. We have to be careful when playing Airplane, though--you tend to spit up while directly above our heads!  Mommy had to wash her hair one time. :P  You are also more responsive when we are in the pool. Before, you would get very serious when you were swimming. Now, you are big enough to sit in the floatie without being supported, and you smile now when you are swimming.  You still love the bath, and it is becoming MUCH more of a playtime for you--the mirror and the counter end up soaking wet after every bath, because of all your splashing!  You also love playing Pat-A-Cake and Peek-A-Boo.

You're pretty independent. You don't like to be held for long periods of time. You like being put down so you can play in your exersaucer, or under your activity mat. I often put you in your high chair with a bunch of toys, and you are content to play on your own for 20 minutes or so.  You aren't a snuggler, which is good for mommy's productivity, but also a little sad because, well, you aren't a snuggler!  I usually get a few good snuggles in during our feeding time, but even that is happening less and less as you get distracted by the world around you--any little noise will pull your attention away!  Sometimes, I go and feed you in your room where it's dark and quiet, just so you will focus on eating.

You are very vocal!  You often sing yourself to sleep, and you wake me up in the morning with your chatter over the monitor.  You make raspberry noises, especially when you don't like something.  You've been making "ba" and "mmm" sounds.  In the car, when you're starting to fall asleep, you'll sing in a funny voice.  I even got a video of it once!

You make me laugh every day, little girl. Your smiles and giggles warm me from the inside out. You are a joy to your Daddy and me, and it is amazing to watch you grow and learn every day.

I love you,
Mommy

InstaFriday

I haven't done InstaFriday for a couple of weeks. I keep forgetting to take the pictures off my phone.

Did food trucks with the McLaughlins and Neals. I adore these ladies.

Avonlea all ready for her first Ohio State football game!

It was been SO HOT this week. Avonlea did tummy time in front of the fan many times.

We found some adorably cute sunglasses for Avonlea!  And yes, she kept them on!

I love that my mornings start out with this smiling face.

We did a Cedarville Alumni event at the Dodgers game. It was SO HOT. We sat in the sun, and we roasted. But Avonlea did amazingly well. She didn't fuss at all the whole game, even though she was dripping with sweat. She even took a nap in the Ergo carrier.

I was so worried about keeping Avonlea covered with sunscreen that I didn't concentrate enough on my legs. Owie sunburn.

This is my bookmark. Photobooths are hilarious.

This praying mantis has been hanging out next to our screen door all week. I took a capful of water out to her.

Avonlea plays with the remotes.

Avonlea took an epic nap one day, so I actually got to do my hair and my makeup for once!

Avonlea has taken to sleeping with Boo and holding on to it.

 Time with Daddy when he gets home.

I've been going to a chiropractor because my neck is misaligned. The dark black line and the red line should match up.

Like I said: it was hot this week.

We took a nighttime dip in the pool after Avonlea went to bed.

Gus tried to save me in the pool:

Avonlea has breakfast with me in the morning. I often look up and catch her staring at me:

She plays with her toys with her hands and her feet. My little monkey.

I got to do a newborn photo session!  It went SO well.

Hung out with my sweet girl all day. She isn't really Fuss Face anymore.

Chiming in...

I'm not one to comment on social or political happenings--at least, not on my blog.  Go ahead and look back--I usually write about what's happening with Avonlea, or how I'm feeling about being a mom.

It just so happens that the whole "Miley Cyrus debacle" hits on one of those areas.

There have been SO many posts about Miley, condemning her actions and calling her all manner of names. I was disgusted by the whole situation, as well. I, however, was not only disgusted by Miley's actions, but by Robin Thicke's. He is singing a song that has a repeated lyric of, "I know you want it." He is a married man, onstage doing inappropriate things with another woman.  There are double standards of sexuality on display that rankled my sense of morality. So, yes, the whole situation bothered me.

But mainly, it made me worried.

This isn't the first time in my lifetime that the standards of sexuality have been lowered in the public eye. When I was growing up, it was Madonna who was setting the standards. I remember a huge brou-haha when her "Erotica" video was released. When I was a little older, it was Madonna and Christina and Britney and their kissing fiasco.  Later still was Janet and her "wardrobe malfunction." And even on the show with the Miley issue was another superstar pop icon wearing a seashell bra and thong throughout the telecast (no one comments on that, however).

I don't think we're going to have a culture that stops any of these actions anytime soon. Sadly, it's what happens when we live in a fallen world.

My worry comes from the fact that I'm raising a little girl in a culture that accepts and values warped views of the female body. A culture that hails "women's rights" as an equal exchange for a distorted view of sexuality. A culture that turns a blind eye to the sexual deviancy that is prevalent in every single American city (see my friend's blog for a great post about this).

I grew up in a culture completely different than the one Avonlea is going to be exposed to. Even though I grew up in the Madonna zeitgeist, I was pretty sheltered in my little Baptist house and church. I remember sitting on the bus when I was in middle school, looking at the boys and girls sitting around me holding hands and snuggling up to each other, and being fascinated with it. Thank God He kept me just on the ugly side of the "ugly duckling syndrome" long enough to not get caught up in the physicality of relationships too early.  Even though I wasn't holding hands with anyone, I desired it so greatly. I wanted someone to cherish me. From the pictures I see of some of my former students on social media, I know that those same things happen still--only they are even further down "the line of sexual progression" than we were.

While my growing up was sheltered (and yes, there are negatives to that, too), there were also a lot more days of childhood innocence. While I spent my middle school years yearning for a boyfriend, I was also saved from dealing with physical pressures too early.  While I spent 3.95 of my high school years without a boyfriend, I spent that time in school activities and sports with friends (both guy and girl), not wrapped around a guy in the hallway 24/7.

And I worry that Avonlea won't get to experience that. I live in the 2nd largest city in the United States. The opportunities here are endless for both good and bad.  I also live in one of the most image-conscious cities in the world. Everyone here is so obsessed with health, fitness (not bad things in moderation), fashion, and being thin, it is like a god.  There are ads everywhere for liposuction and plastic surgery. The photoshopped images shout at you from every corner. I want to keep my little girl sheltered from all that.

At the same time, being sheltered from all of it doesn't teach you how to process it, either.  How many stories are there of "good girl gone bad" when released on their own to college life? Even for myself, I did some things I'm not proud of after I was out of my parent's eye, because I wasn't taught how to engage in culture without compromising.

I think at the heart of so many of these things is what my pastor taught about a couple of weeks ago. If you have the chance, I would encourage you to listen to the podcast on Proverbs 22:6:

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

(There is a link to the podcasts here. Look for the 8/18/13 message.)

The crux of Joseph's message was that as parents, we have to do what we can (with God's help) to give our children a strong moral base for their lives--and that beyond that, God will fill in the gaps.  I can't hold Avonlea's hand through every step of her life. I can't guarantee that she will make the choices that I think she should make--in fact, she might go the opposite of all my hopes.  But I *can* do the best I can to raise a daughter that has a strong sense of self, and a strong desire to love God fully.  I can't guarantee that Avonlea will remain a virgin until she gets married (like her ugly duckling mom was blessed to do), but I can do my best (with God's help) to help Avonlea know truth:

• God loves her with an uncontrollable, unquenchable fire.
• God wants us to seek after Him with every fiber of our being--and he is waiting for us at the end of every search.
• God's plan for love isn't self-serving, the way that our culture views it.  The love that God has for you is self-sacrificing. Putting the needs of the other person above your own needs. The love that God has for you looks like the love that Jesus had for you.
• God wants us to have a love that consumes us. God wants you to have the passionate love story that you've always dreamed of. Think of Jesus--he loved us so much that he died for us. It would have felt better for himself to stay off of that cross. But He put himself at the mercy of others because He loved us.
• (and now I'm crying)
• A boyfriend is not the be-all-end-all. Most boys are just that--boys. They aren't mature enough to put your needs above theirs.
• A marriage isn't a guarantee. It is WORK. It is TIME. It is HARD.  Unlike the movies, the credits don't roll on a happy ending when the boy tells you he loves you. In real life, that's where the movie starts. Sometimes your movie is a comedy, sometimes it is a tragedy, sometimes it is a farce, or a romance, or an adventure.

What I want Avonlea to know above everything else is this:

The real be-all-end-all in life--the real adventure comes in living your life for someone else--and that someone is Jesus. Because in reality, boys will let you down. Dating will let you down. Marriage will let you down. Sex will let you down. But God--my dear, sweet girl--GOD will NEVER let you down.  He cares about every single morsel of your life. He knows how you will yearn for companionship. He knows how your heart will desire a boyfriend and a husband. He knows how you feel, because He desires US in the exact same way.

I wish I could tell Miley this. That living her life for herself isn't going to fill any gaps. That giving more away isn't going to bring her any satisfaction. It isn't going to make anyone respect her more.

I wish I could tell Robin this. That singing about desire and power over women isn't going to help him feel more in control. That the power this world gives in money and fame and sex isn't enough to fill a void. It's a drug that simply needs more and more from you, but gives nothing to you.

I worry for my daughter. I worry for her innocence and her little mind. I worry for her heart.  After this weekend, I won't just pray for her. I will pray for US.

How It's Going

A week ago, I posted that I was through with fighting with Avonlea and the swaddle. I was tired of her writhing in uncomfortability all night long, and I was through.

I am happy to say that a week later, she is done with the swaddle!  During naps, I wrap her up in a muslin blanket from the waist down, and at night I put her in a sleep sack.

I wish I could say it is great sleep all the time. But I would say she's about 50/50.

Yesterday, for instance, was golden. She took a 45 minute nap in the morning, a 3 hour nap in the afternoon, and then went to bed without a peep at 8pm. She slept 3-3.5 hour stretches overnight.

Today, however, she took a 3 hour nap at 11, and then was exhausted but would not nap in the afternoon. She then cried for an hour before finally falling asleep at 9pm.

This is what's it's been like all week. She'll have a great sleeping day, and then the next day will be terrible. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason about it. It's frustrating. I am surprised at how much harder it is to sleep-train your kid, as opposed to someone else's.

Part of her problem might be the transitioning we've done.  We not only transitioned her out of the swaddle, but last night was the first night that she slept in her own room.

She isn't in her crib yet--we actually just bought the mattress today. We moved her pack-n-play into her room last night, and put her to bed. She napped in her room today. I think we'll do another day or two with her pack-n-play in her room, and then put her bed in there for the final transition.

It was a bittersweet moment putting her to bed away from us.  Don't get me wrong: it was time. I was tired of all the car noise waking her up, or the dogs waking her up, or her waking me up every time she moved. I am glad the nightlight is out of our room, so it's not shining in my eyes anymore. I'm glad I can turn on my bedside light again and actually do a little night reading if I want. I'm glad if I get up and go to the bathroom I can turn the light on. I'm glad I can sleep with the draperies open again.

But there's a (very) little part of me that's sad that I'm not going to be able to just crawl to the end of the bed to watch her sleep, or to soothe her.  She's had her first graduation of many to come, and I am both proud and sad--a feeling I know will become all too familiar over time.

My Giggly Girl

Letter to Baby

Dear Avonlea,

Oh, little girl. You are so much fun. You are growing leaps and bounds these days in terms of your growth and development.

Physically, you are getting so big. Everyone exclaims about it whenever we go out. When I say you're 4 months old, people say, "oh, she's so big!" They say how long you are, and you really are--you are too long for 3 month clothes (and some 6 month clothes, too!).  At the doctor today, you were 25 inches long, which is in the 75th percentile. You're also getting more chunky. Your arms have the cutest little rolls, and your legs are getting a little dimply. You weigh 16 pounds 4 ounces--80th percentile!  Your carseat is getting harder and harder to carry!

Your long, darker hair that you've had since birth is almost all gone on the top--you just have a dark mullet around the base of your neck. More hair has started growing in, and it is all blonde, just like Daddy.

Your physical therapy is going well. The doctor thinks you have made really good progress. There's only about 10 degrees of rotation left for us to work on. You don't fuss as much during your appointments anymore, which is nice. Everyone at the doctor's office always dotes on you when you come in.

My days of calling you little miss Fussy Face are almost over. You are going to have to be called little miss Smiley Face from now on!  You love to smile, and are starting to really laugh at things now. You love to have your feet played with, and if I ever need you to smile, I just squeeze your little toes. You love your Daddy! He comes home from work and says "hi" to you, and your eyes just light up. We have snuggle kisses time in the evenings before you go to bed, and I love to see you smiling and laughing.

Your sleep is still not great, but it's because you're growing up in that department, too. You are officially out of a swaddle now. It took a few days of crying and struggling, but now you go down for naps and sleeping without too much fuss. Last night, you didn't cry at all when we put you to bed for the night!  You're only sleeping 4 hours max at a time overnight, so Mommy is going to work on breaking that habit. You take 2 or 3 naps a day.

This month, we took you to Disneyland for the first time. You loved all the colors and lights. We rode It's A Small World, the flying Dumbos, and the Pooh ride. You got a little scared on the Pooh ride when it got dark and played scary music, but other than that, you liked it!  You stayed up from 4:00 until 11:00, and fell asleep before we got out of the parking lot!  You just love to see what is going on around you!

We also took you to your first wedding. You did an amazing job! You were nice and quiet during the ceremony and you liked being outside. Everyone at our table couldn't believe how well-behaved you were.  You are so much better overall with being patient and having a longer attention span without being fussy.  I couldn't believe on Sunday that you could hang out with a friend for 4.5 hours while Mommy cooked!

We put you in your big stroller for the first time this month--you looked so little in it! I had to prop you up on a couple of blankets so that the seat restraints would fit the right way. :)

You're back to liking your car seat. You fuss getting in to it and getting out of it, but you do a good job riding in it once we get going.

You are growing so much developmentally, as well.  Your core is much stronger, and you can sit for longer periods of time (by being propped up, of course).  You are very engaged with your toys, and enjoy sitting in your high chair surrounded by them. You still aren't a fan of tummy time, but I can trick you by propping you up on your belly on the Boppy pillow, and you like it much better. You are grabbing things and putting them in your mouth, and you have started drooling a lot.  We bought you an exersaucer, and you love to sit in it and play.  A couple of times we have caught you falling asleep while sitting in your exersaucer or high chair!  You're more and more vocal every day. I always know when you're finally ready to get up for the day, because you'll lay in your pack-n-play and just sing to yourself (aah-aah-aah).  Oh--and you started rolling over again, after a long break (because you got too chubby to roll yourself over).

I am so blessed to be your mommy. You are changing so quickly now--I feel like every day you learn to do something new. It's amazing to see you grow more and more beautiful and sweet, and it's so neat to see how smart you are when you learn something new.  I'm so glad I get to spend the days with you.

Love,
Mommy