In my classroom, we did journaling almost every day. The beginning of the year was setting up the structure and the expectations, and was always a struggle to get them to write to the level I was expecting. But somewhere around the halfway point of the year, I didn't have to do reminders anymore. They knew the expectations, they knew the rules, and they started to take off and do some amazing writing during that time. I would always get to the point of the year where I would think, "This one area of teaching? This one? I've got this."
Sometimes I wonder, in parenting, will I ever get to the point where I think, "I've got this"?
I find myself constantly second-guessing myself when it comes to parenting Avonlea. The questions about how to do (fill-in-blank-here) flit through my brain rapid-fire style. Here are just a few from the long day we shared together yesterday:
- Why is she only sleeping 2 to 3 hours at a time overnight?
- She just got up from her nap. Can I go to the store without her throwing a fit?
- It hasn't been 2 hours since she ate, but she always eats when she gets up from a nap. Should I feed her now?
- Why is she throwing a fit in the store?
- Is she sitting in the carrier wrong?
- How is she sleepy again? She only got up an hour ago. Is she sick? *Google "babies sleep a lot when sick?"*
- Should I put her down for a nap again?
- Why does she get so hot when I'm feeding her? *consult Google*
- I'm not sure if I should give her a nap..should I try anyway?
- How long will she sleep?
- Do I have time to take a shower?
- Will my shower wake her up?
- Will she sit in this seat while I make lunch?
- Are these toys overstimulating her? *Google "signs of overstimulation in babies"*
- Why is she so fussy today?
- Is she tired again? She only got up an hour and a half ago--how can she be tired again?
- If I try to go on a walk, will she fuss because she's sleepy?
- Why does she keep pulling at her ear?
- How can I get her to do more tummy time if she cries after 5 seconds?
- How long should tummy time be, and how long should I let her fuss and scream in tummy time? *Google "tummy time 3 months"
- Will she ever roll over again?
- Will she ever want to roll to her front, because she hates it so much?
- Can a 3 month old get too much sleep? *Google "babies too much sleep*
- Is she getting enough to eat?
- Why doesn't she open her mouth more when feeding? Is that causing her to not get enough?
- What colors of poo are normal? *Google "normal baby poop"*
- Why did I just Google that?!?
My whole 3 months and 2 weeks of parenting has been nothing but one question after another. And I sit sometimes, and wonder if I'll ever be confident that what I am doing is the right thing. That what I am doing is the best thing. That I'll be able to look at Avonlea the way I looked at my classroom of students and breathe a sigh of relief that I'm finally getting the hang of things.
You are normal friend. I remember making a long list of questions to ask my pediatrician when grace was a baby. Now I just talk to the pediatrician about her trip to Italy. Haha
ReplyDeleteGet the book "Baby 411" if you don't have it already. It's written in plain and sometimes humorous English and much more pleasant than Google! As you know I have 3 babies and they were all very different. Joshua was easy-peasy, a trick to get me to have more. Sophie was a total nutball from day one and fed on demand for pretty much the first entire year of her life and didn't sleep through the night til she was 15 months. Jonah was somewhere in between. I saw someone on FB mention Babywise and I really don't like that method, because, quite simply, all babies are not the same. And breastfed babies need to be fed WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY and not according to a schedule. And they can constantly change their minds about when they are hungry. They do that. Girlfriend may be switching things up on ya every couple months. Sophie constantly kept me guessing, and exhausted, but she's a perfectly well-adjusted child and no longer changes her routines every few weeks. You can do it; none of us know what we're doing when we start! Really, get Baby 411, and go ahead and get Toddler 411 while you're at it.
ReplyDeleteAll normal mommy worries! With Amanda I went to the doctor for a normal check-up with a list of questions. The doctor was very patient and answered all of them and then he rolled his chair over to me, very kindly and gently put his hand on my knee and said, "You're doing a great job and all of this is quite normal. The only thing you're missing is YOUR Mommy to help ease your mind. Don't worry Mom, your baby is going to be fine and you're a great mom! Trust your instincts because you know your baby better than anyone. As a doctor, I listen more to my moms than my education." Little did this doctor know, my Mom had passed away just a month before. He assumed because we were military my Mom was just far away. It was such a mixed emotional experience for me but mostly, he really did ease my mind and from that day forward, I tried to "hear" my own instincts more than worry or consult this or that. It worked (mostly). You have them too! But if you're waiting for that "I've got this" moment in parenting --yeah, 24 years later, I'm still waiting for that, too.
ReplyDeleteAllison, what you're feeling is normal. It's part of what makes you a good mom. Because you do care.
ReplyDeleteI love what Melissa said her doctor told her, "Trust your instincts because you know your baby better than anyone."
Jae will be 20 in September and I still don't think I have this. I was never less confident than when I became a mom.
But I also became a better person because I loved her so much, I was willing to face the hard stuff to grow.
You're already an amazing person and Avonlea has such an amazing dad as well.
I can't imagine how hard this must be for you raising your daughter without being able to talk with you mom and ask her advice.
I remember there being a point a couple years ago where I asked God to come alongside of me and parent Jae with me. There have been many times where I've had to let go and trust Him that He loved her more than I ever could and that He knew best what she needed most.
I believe He chose you to be Avonlea's mom. No one else. And He'll walk with you through every minute of every day as you raise her. He won't abandon you. And even though you will have some tough times in your journey as her mom, you will also know amazing joy as you see her develop into her own.
You and Nick are both doing an amazing job. Hang in there. I'm super proud of you both and so thrilled to know Avonlea has such amazing parents.