Also like the name Lyla. Thank you, FNL for that.
I'm in a funk. I'm fat (up to my highest weight ever), friendless (zero guests at my birthday party still bums me out), and fired.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Seattle's a No Go.
Nick got the nice thanks-but-no-thanks form letter 2 weeks ago. It took me a little bit to process how I felt about it. But now I can truly say, I'm really sad.
Nick is really upset about it, too. Not quite so much now, as the sting has worn off a bit, but I don't bring it up. He gets this deep pained look on his face. Not something that you can really see as an outsider, but I see it in his eyes. He's looking for other jobs now. At the base and at some other local places, but none of them get his juices going like the Microsoft one.
I keep praying for him to be able to find something that fulfills him professionally. He's so smart, and he's the hardest worker I know. A company anywhere would be honored to have him.
As for me, my job position is tenuous at best. I won't know until late July if my position will even be in existence next year--and if it is, I don't know if I want it. This hasn't been the easiest professional year of my life, and I'm not entirely sure what caused that. Is it that my heart is taking me away from teaching and into something else (read: photography)? But if I do that, everyone and their mom is starting their own photography businesses right now--can I take the risk in such a saturated market? Has it been hard because of some school situations, and the uncertainty that I've experienced?
Again, I'm not sure. More waiting, I guess.
Nick is really upset about it, too. Not quite so much now, as the sting has worn off a bit, but I don't bring it up. He gets this deep pained look on his face. Not something that you can really see as an outsider, but I see it in his eyes. He's looking for other jobs now. At the base and at some other local places, but none of them get his juices going like the Microsoft one.
I keep praying for him to be able to find something that fulfills him professionally. He's so smart, and he's the hardest worker I know. A company anywhere would be honored to have him.
As for me, my job position is tenuous at best. I won't know until late July if my position will even be in existence next year--and if it is, I don't know if I want it. This hasn't been the easiest professional year of my life, and I'm not entirely sure what caused that. Is it that my heart is taking me away from teaching and into something else (read: photography)? But if I do that, everyone and their mom is starting their own photography businesses right now--can I take the risk in such a saturated market? Has it been hard because of some school situations, and the uncertainty that I've experienced?
Again, I'm not sure. More waiting, I guess.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Still weird
I was talking with a friend tonight (hi, Pam!), and she asked, "So, how's the baby making going?"
I've gotta admit: it kind of threw me a little bit. My first thought was, "Me? What baby making? I'm not making babies right now!"
Then I remembered, "Oh, right. I am trying to make babies right now!"
It's still kind of weird to think about, since I haven't been trying for so long!
I've gotta admit: it kind of threw me a little bit. My first thought was, "Me? What baby making? I'm not making babies right now!"
Then I remembered, "Oh, right. I am trying to make babies right now!"
It's still kind of weird to think about, since I haven't been trying for so long!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Seattle
I'm having trouble writing this post. Not sure how to write it. Guess I'll just jump in.
I always had a vision of what my life would be like. Probably...mostly...from my growing up. I thought my marriage and children experience would be much like my mom and dad's. Not sure why I thought this. I've always been pretty independent--not sure why following in my parent's EXACT shoes was such a desire of mine. Something's happened to help me realize that I'm going to need to cut out my own path in life, instead of treading one that is already worn by someone else. Start over with Nick, and create our own future together.
This is made more and more clear with Nick's job situation. He doesn't like his job. I mean, it's okay. He really likes having a job, but the one he has isn't fulfilling for him. It's not what he wants to do forever, and so the more he does it, the more he feels like it's taking him away from what he really wants to do.
So, he's been applying for jobs. This isn't new to me. I've known about this for about a year or so. What I didn't know (up until 3 months ago) was WHERE he was applying for jobs. There's been a couple of really great opportunities that have opened up in the Microsoft Corporation. They have a few offices here in Ohio--Cincinnati and Findlay areas. But the job that he wants is in Seattle.
WHOA.
Talk about a shocker! When Nick first mentioned it to me, I didn't have any idea what to say!
With everything that has been going on with my mom's health, I knew that starting a family was more and more imperative--and that she would be an integral part of helping me through the process. I think of my friend's moms, who took them clothes shopping, and gave advice, and helped with the whole having-a-baby process. And I started to think about what that might look like if I'm living across the country. And I started to freak out a bit.
Granted, Nick doesn't have the job. He has done a screening interview online, and then done another screening interview over the phone. But it really got me thinking about what our lives would be like if we lived across the country from our family. From those people that would be our support system. From our friends and jobs, and comfort. And this is where the conversation within myself really started. I was terrified.
After a few days of really thinking about it (and not really discussing anything about it with Nick), I started to get excited. Still terrified, but also excited. I mean, how amazing would it be? First, Seattle is supposed to be fabulous. Second, Nick would TOTALLY and completely adore his job. He's as giddy as a schoolboy just mentioning the possibility.
But I really got to thinking about what it would do for Nick and I. We've kind of been in an auto-pilot relationship. Everything pre-planned. Our route already set. Boundaries and limits and expectations already set out for us. Not in a negative way, but also not in a positive way. If we were to move away from everything comfortable, then what would we have left to rely on? Ourselves, and Christ. And honestly--could that BE any better for us?
So, I pray. Every day I pray. I pray that God opens doors for us to live off auto-pilot. I pray He opens doors for Nick to be as fulfilled and appreciated in his work as much as he desires and deserves. I pray that He grants us opportunities to truly rely on Him and His will for us. There are so many unknowns about this, but I rest safely in the arms of the One who DOES know about tomorrow and what it holds.
I always had a vision of what my life would be like. Probably...mostly...from my growing up. I thought my marriage and children experience would be much like my mom and dad's. Not sure why I thought this. I've always been pretty independent--not sure why following in my parent's EXACT shoes was such a desire of mine. Something's happened to help me realize that I'm going to need to cut out my own path in life, instead of treading one that is already worn by someone else. Start over with Nick, and create our own future together.
This is made more and more clear with Nick's job situation. He doesn't like his job. I mean, it's okay. He really likes having a job, but the one he has isn't fulfilling for him. It's not what he wants to do forever, and so the more he does it, the more he feels like it's taking him away from what he really wants to do.
So, he's been applying for jobs. This isn't new to me. I've known about this for about a year or so. What I didn't know (up until 3 months ago) was WHERE he was applying for jobs. There's been a couple of really great opportunities that have opened up in the Microsoft Corporation. They have a few offices here in Ohio--Cincinnati and Findlay areas. But the job that he wants is in Seattle.
WHOA.
Talk about a shocker! When Nick first mentioned it to me, I didn't have any idea what to say!
With everything that has been going on with my mom's health, I knew that starting a family was more and more imperative--and that she would be an integral part of helping me through the process. I think of my friend's moms, who took them clothes shopping, and gave advice, and helped with the whole having-a-baby process. And I started to think about what that might look like if I'm living across the country. And I started to freak out a bit.
Granted, Nick doesn't have the job. He has done a screening interview online, and then done another screening interview over the phone. But it really got me thinking about what our lives would be like if we lived across the country from our family. From those people that would be our support system. From our friends and jobs, and comfort. And this is where the conversation within myself really started. I was terrified.
After a few days of really thinking about it (and not really discussing anything about it with Nick), I started to get excited. Still terrified, but also excited. I mean, how amazing would it be? First, Seattle is supposed to be fabulous. Second, Nick would TOTALLY and completely adore his job. He's as giddy as a schoolboy just mentioning the possibility.
But I really got to thinking about what it would do for Nick and I. We've kind of been in an auto-pilot relationship. Everything pre-planned. Our route already set. Boundaries and limits and expectations already set out for us. Not in a negative way, but also not in a positive way. If we were to move away from everything comfortable, then what would we have left to rely on? Ourselves, and Christ. And honestly--could that BE any better for us?
So, I pray. Every day I pray. I pray that God opens doors for us to live off auto-pilot. I pray He opens doors for Nick to be as fulfilled and appreciated in his work as much as he desires and deserves. I pray that He grants us opportunities to truly rely on Him and His will for us. There are so many unknowns about this, but I rest safely in the arms of the One who DOES know about tomorrow and what it holds.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Disjointed Thoughts
I haven't really been thinking about babies too much lately. I've been busy and stressed out with school, and my mom, and photography. I've been playing soccer, and going to house church, and trying to train for a half-marathon that I am probably going to be walking now. I have 100 hours of professional development to do in the next 2 months, and our kids are in the home stretch before testing, so there's a bunch of extra planning to do.
That's when you get pregnant, though, right? When you're not thinking about it?
Well, the problem with being so busy is that you're too tired to do the deed that you need to do to get pregnant in the first place.
Oops. Guess I'd better get on that.
My 31st birthday is this week. I didn't think I'd hit 31 without a baby, but that's how life goes sometimes. Guess 31 is my big year. Christy says I shouldn't try to get pregnant around my birthday, because then we'll have a Christmas baby. I guess right now I'm not too concerned about that. Any baby will do right now. :)
I have been thinking about the day that I'll get to tell my mom and dad, and Nick. I've been racking my brain to figure out how to do it. I want it to be fun and special. I can't think of anything unique. Maybe doing some kind of picture or something. Or a song. Who knows.
Topic for next post: Seattle
That's when you get pregnant, though, right? When you're not thinking about it?
Well, the problem with being so busy is that you're too tired to do the deed that you need to do to get pregnant in the first place.
Oops. Guess I'd better get on that.
My 31st birthday is this week. I didn't think I'd hit 31 without a baby, but that's how life goes sometimes. Guess 31 is my big year. Christy says I shouldn't try to get pregnant around my birthday, because then we'll have a Christmas baby. I guess right now I'm not too concerned about that. Any baby will do right now. :)
I have been thinking about the day that I'll get to tell my mom and dad, and Nick. I've been racking my brain to figure out how to do it. I want it to be fun and special. I can't think of anything unique. Maybe doing some kind of picture or something. Or a song. Who knows.
Topic for next post: Seattle
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