A Second Kid? Are you CRAZY??

(this post was written June 7, 2014)

I heard that after you have your first kid, people started asking you when you were going to have another one. I experienced this a little bit, but really only from people I didn't know (or my mother-in-law). See, I think it was that the people close to me knew what a traumatic experience Avonlea's babyhood was, and so they knew better than to ask me.

As time went on, among other people and among other mommies, the baby question would come up, and people would be surprised at my emphatic "NO!" when asked if we were going to have another kid.

I don't think it is a permanent "no". I just say that I need more time to recover from the trauma of the last kid. It's not the birth that traumatized me. It's the having a BABY thing that traumatized me. I love looking at babies. I love it when friends have babies. I really liked being pregnant and growing a baby. I learned that I do NOT like babies.

I also can't imagine having another kid right now, with Avonlea still so young. I imagine a 3-4 year spread between my kids. I like the 3 or 4 year spread, because they'll have one or two years together in middle and high school, but not too close together. They also won't be too far apart and grow up hating each other, like Ashley and I did with our 6.5 year spread.

I am also seeing what it is like to have a toddler and a baby first-hand. Several of my mom friends are on baby #2 with their first being around 16-20 months old. And while it's exciting in theory, I see what a toll it takes. The energy you needed for one baby is now multiplied, but the energy you're given isn't. My friends are doing an amazing job--but I spent one afternoon with one of them, and I came home saying, "We canNOT have another baby anytime soon." Just watching what it was like terrified me.

I don't do well in situations where I am overwhelmed. I tend to lose my balance mentally, and I constantly feel like I am underwater. I just don't do well. I mean, one of my extended family members told me she was going to fly to California to help me after I had Avonlea because I sounded like I was doing so badly. Did I also mention I'm not good at concealing how I really feel?

I guess you have some things figured out with your second kid that make some aspects of it a little easier. You're not dealing with the first-time Mom thing, which is huge. But on the flip-side, you're dealing with the new thing of raising another kid AND a baby.

And to be honest, I'm kind of content with our little 3-person family. I really would be completely happy if we never had another kid of our own. I did the pregnant thing. I did the baby thing. I'm happy to move on with my life. I would love to consider adoption, but that's not something Nick is interested in right now. Maybe I can work on him in that regard, but it's not something we would pursue even in the next 5 years.

All that being said, I took these pictures today:

Oh, shit.

Contentment? As a Mom?

Do you ever feel like you were meant for something...else?

90 percent of the time, I love my life. I live in a great city, with tons of opportunities. I have an amazing husband, who works hard to provide for our family. I have a beautiful daughter, who fills my days with joy. I have a nice home and a place to exercise and health and a great church community. I am able to sing and run and read and exercise my creativity in different ways.

But.

I still struggle with contentment. That 10 percent just eats away at me. I wish things for my life that aren't possible right now, and I find myself frustrated that I'm not able to do those things. I wonder where this stems from. Is it some weird effect of the feminist movement, to make me feel like my being a stay-at-home mom is unfulfilling in some way? If I had stayed in my career, would I feel better about things? Would I be more content? It's almost like I see the grass as greener on the other side of the fence.

But see, here's the rub: I don't think I would like it any more if I were on the other side of the fence. Because I was there. I have experienced the other side of so many things. I was single until I was 26, and didn't date a lot, and I just wanted to be married. I had a marriage with no kids for 8 years, and I just wanted to add kids to the mix. I had a job as a teacher, and I never felt completely comfortable in it enough to enjoy it all the time. Same with being a photographer--I always felt like I knew just enough to get by, but not enough to really excel. And now, as a mom, I feel similarly--I'm doing an okay job, but I'm not doing an exceptional job.

Is it a lack of confidence that causes this discontent? I have noticed a pattern in my life--I get involved with something, and then after a while I get bored, or I realize I am inadequate in some way, and I move on. I was 100% into sports growing up. Then I did some theater in college, but not enough to really consider that a career (even though I majored in it). Then I was a teacher for 8 years, but never felt comfortable in it, and then I did photography for 3 years, and now I'm a mom. I've dabbled in sewing and scrapbooking and baking and aerobics and acting and blogging and gardening and so many other things, but have never stayed with anything for too long. And is it because of this dabbling, this bouncing back-and-forth between interests and passions--that has caused me to develop this weird discontentment? That I essentially have "life passion ADD"?

Or am I just setting myself up with expectations that are too high? Can anyone really feel 100% like they're doing their life's work? They choose a career when they're 19 or 20 and stick with that education and training and then every day they do that chosen career they feel like they're exactly where they belong? Because to me, that seems completely foreign.  People have asked me, "What do you want to do?" and I have never felt comfortable giving a solid answer. Because the true, honest answer is, "I don't know." I feel like so many of the choices that I have made in my life have been by default.

I chose a communications major because there were classes I could actually pass.
I went to China because my friend convinced me.
I started teaching because I couldn't find a theater job anywhere, and it was something I could do in the meantime.
I'm staying at home with Avonlea because teaching here isn't really an option (and I probably couldn't find a job anyway).

I kind of wonder, when Avonlea gets to the age where she starts deciding what she wants to do, what will she learn from me? I don't ever want Avonlea to think that choosing to stay at home with her was a "default" choice--but how do I tell her that I never expected to stay home? I grew up in the household of an amazing career woman, and always expected to follow in those footsteps, and now I'm going back on everything I ever said I wanted. I want to give Avonlea a strong sense of self to stand on, but my track record for advising her isn't so great, since my "sense of self foundation" is wobbly at best. And what about after that? When she does decide what she wants and moves out of the house--what will be left for me? I'll be one of those weird women who takes up underwater basket weaving because she has nothing to do with her time after her kids moved out of the house.

I guess, in the end, it's about transition. I had a really hard time after Nick and I got married. About a year into the marriage, I realized how much had changed for me. I had to "report to someone" (for lack of a better word) about how I spent my time, how I spent my money, where I went on vacation, what I wanted the house to look like, etc. I didn't even get to keep my own name! I felt like my identity had shifted so dramatically, and it took me a while to get used to "the new me". To get a feeling of how a marriage worked, and how to be a partner in life to someone else. I wasn't just me anymore. I was now "wife".

And now, I'm at another transition. Now I'm a "mom". I'm a year into it, and I'm realizing how hard it is for me to come to grips with it. That this, this mom thing that I'm in right now is what I am doing, and that maybe it isn't what I thought it would be. When I became a "mom", did I leave everything else behind? All my goals? All my wishes? I didn't think about the sacrifices I would have to make, or the changes I would have to make to my expectations. I didn't realize what I would lose.

But I also didn't realize what I would gain.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

"What a Big Brain You Have!"

It really feels like one day I had a baby, who only observed and sat by as things happened around her or to her, and then the next day I had a little girl who interacts and develops more every day.

I keep meaning to write, but life just gets in the way. I need to stop apologizing for it, after all, I'm not making money on this blog--it's just for me. I keep documenting our lives in photos, so that's an important thing.

Avonlea just gets more and more interesting. It always surprises me whenever she exhibits some new skill, or shows me new things that she has learned.

I mean, she is pointing at things when we read!  I know it's something little, but it's just seeing those brain connections that didn't exist prior, and are now getting stronger and stronger.  I read a lot of books with her. She used to have no attention span whatsoever, and now she goes to the book box and picks a book out and brings it back to me to read. She'll sit on my lap, turn all the pages, and point to pictures as I ask her questions. She can identify "ball", "balloons", "zebra", "fish", "eyes", "mouth", "elephant", "Elmo", "Cookie", and "monkey". I love asking her, "Where is the monkey?" and waiting while she scans the page and then makes a quick point at the monkey on the page. Today, she gave me an additional highlight: when I asked her where the monkey was, before pointing to it, she said, "ooh ooh ooh!"

The other day, Nick was blowing bubbles inside, and just for fun I said, "Bubbles, bubbles, everywhere!" a line from one of Avonlea's favorite stories. She toddled away from the bubbles, over to the book box, and grabbed the bubble book and brought it back to me to read.

She's not saying too many identifiable phrases, but she talks all the time and uses lots of inflection when she speaks. You can tell she is asking for certain things. She loves to drink out of my water bottle, and loves to munch on whatever I am eating--she'll point at my bottle or my plate and say, "oissssh?" She's also good at saying goodbye when people are leaving. It's really funny to look up in the window and see the top of her little head and her eyes peeking over the ledge, with her little arm pumping up and down in a wave. :) She also loves to wave at Waldo in the window.

As she gets more independent, we're also dealing with more temperament and strong-willed issues. Tonight we had a particularly cranky fight about leaving her bib on while she eats. She's been trying to pull them off each meal (velcro--urgh), and I haven't been letting her. Well, tonight that really made her mad. She threw a fit, and kept fighting me on it, but I tried to be calm and collected but continue to stand my ground.  Nick observed and said I did a good job riding the storm, which was nice of him to notice.

Avonlea also loves to go places and do things by herself. She doesn't like to hold my hand--she likes to walk around by herself and explore things on her own. Today that meant finding her several steps into the kitchen in the Asian restaurant we were in. Thankfully the staff thought it was funny instead of annoying, but I have to keep a closer eye on her now.

She also likes to eat by herself. If I put any food in her mouth, even if it's something she likes, she will spit it into her hand and then put it into her mouth herself. She also takes spoons away from me to put things into her mouth herself. Basically I have to make sure that whatever is in the spoon won't fall out--I really only do avocado--otherwise I spear things with forks for her or mash them into a pouch or let her pick them up with her hands.

She's becoming crazy-obsessed with her stuffed Boo. She already loved Boo--but now, she wants to carry Boo wherever we go, and she is always asking for him. I think I'm going to have to put the kabosh on that--Boo is already a little worse for wear, and he hasn't left her bedroom (except when we traveled to Ohio).

She's also better at playing with her friends. I noticed her sharing with her friend Ava today, and while I know that won't always be the case, it was nice to see her interacting with kids around her own age, since she's been mostly ignoring them up until now.

She is starting to recognize humor. She laughs at videos of herself doing funny things, and at puppets doing silly dances. She also does things to make us laugh. She blows these amazing raspberries that always make us giggle.

I also love watching her figure things out. We have a shape sorter, and she'll try the shapes out in the different openings, trying to see which one it will go in. She'll manipulate the piece in multiple angles now, instead of just trying to force it in a certain hole without moving it around.

Easter was a great example of her burgeoning cognitive abilities. She totally "got" the Easter egg hunt idea!

I love watching her grow. It's to the point now where pictures don't do her justice. My memory card on my phone is filling up much quicker now, because I'm taking videos all the time!

One Year Letter

Dear Avonlea,

I have lots of other things to work on right now, but I realize that I never wrote you a one year letter--in fact, I think I am really behind on a lot of your letters. If there is blame to be placed, it should probably be placed on you--you have stopped taking more than one nap a day, so my blog time is limited to the evenings, when I am often doing laundry, or cleaning up the house, or working on other things that get pushed back.

But don't worry--I'm not blaming you. I am so pleased I get to spend more of my day with your sweet face. I remember a time, not too long ago, when I would think to myself during the day, "I don't get to spend any time with my baby--she sleeps more than she is awake!" Well, that has certainly changed. You usually take one nap, but sometimes, if we are out-and-about, you won't take any! If that happens, you end up like your Mommy when she hasn't slept--cranky!  A couple of times I have actually just driven around so you'll sleep in the car!

Speaking of sleep, you still aren't sleeping through the night. You get up a lot to eat. I get a lot of grief from people about it (including the pediatrician, who tells me I have to stop it), but the bottom line is that it doesn't bother me that much. You go to bed at 6:30 or 7pm, and always get up sometime between 10:30 and 11pm, when I'm going to bed. You then get up once at 2:30 or 3am, and then get up for the day at 7:30am. Sometimes, you'll get up at 6am, I'll feed you, and you'll go back to sleep until 8:30. Those are great days. :)  This won't last forever, and until it really starts to bother me, I'll keep doing it.

One reason I am not stopping your night feedings is because you aren't eating during the day. You'll eat (swallow) purees, but anything solid you will play around with in your mouth, and then spit out. I think you're swallowing a little tiny bit, but for the most part, you just play the "taste and spit" game. I'm starting to wonder if we need to do some kind of therapy with you, since it hasn't seemed to get much better over the last 6 months. Eating this way, you won't be getting enough calories to begin to wean. You also want to do it all by yourself--you don't like to be fed, you want to do it yourself.

Other than the eating and sleeping thing, you are so much fun. You're very inquisitive. Anything new I bring into the house, you want to investigate. You love opening drawers and bags, pulling out all the contents, and then putting them back. You understand the phrase, "put it away!" which has become very helpful.

You absolutely love dogs. You squeal with delight, and start to say, "doh, doh, doh" whenever we see a dog out-and-about. You love cats, too, but we don't seem to have friends who have any cats. You love to stand at the screen door and talk to the dogs while they're outside.

You love to read. You'll go over to your basket of books, pull them out one at a time, and flip through them, making lots of talking sounds while you're doing it. You love to help me turn the pages, and you've started to point to things while I read. You can identify Mickey and Minnie mouse, and you love reading books with dogs and babies in them. We have a book that has a mirror on the last page, which is your favorite. You turn to that page, lean forward, and "kiss" the baby that you see.

You still love playing hide-and-seek. You're so funny--you've started playing it yourself. You hold yourself up on the coffee table, and squat down behind it and pop back up with a big grin. You always want me to say, "Where's Avonlea?? Boo!!"

Being outside is one of your favorite things. You're very aware of things in the sky--airplanes, helicopters, birds, and trees blowing in the wind. You always point to them and say, "aah!"  If you hear an airplane or helicopter, your finger will go right up in the air, and you'll search for the plane with your eyes--you can spot them from very far away!  You also are obsessed with balloons. When we go to Wal-Mart and Ralph's, you're always pointing to them, and spotting them even from across the store.  We recently bought a small inflatable baby pool, which you really enjoyed, and we'll use a lot this summer. You love to go on walks in the stroller, too. You're content to sit in your stroller for a long time, as long as we're moving somewhere!

You just started taking your first few steps a couple of weeks ago--it's amazing to see how you have already progressed and started getting better and better with your balance. You aren't really taking steps independently--you'll walk from the couch to me, but only if it's 5 steps or less. Today you took your first step towards a non-human--you were trying to walk after Gus! You are getting more confident day-by-day. You most like to walk having both of your hands held--in fact, if we let go of one of your hands, you would stop dead in your tracks!  The last few days, though, you are starting to walk by only holding one hand...you just tend to go in circles when that happens. :) When you do walk a few steps independently, you get very giggly...almost hyperventilating!

You are very tough and brave. You fall down and get bumps and scrapes a lot as you're learning how to move--but you very rarely cry. Sometimes, if you hit your head or fall down or smoosh your fingers, you'll look at me right away, and I'll say, "You're okay!"  If you start to cry before you look at me, I know you're really hurt--but that isn't very often. You can go down the slide with a little help getting started, and you always smile when you get to the bottom. You love to be thrown high up in the air--you will almost stop breathing when you get to the apex of the throw, and then giggle on the way back down. You love the swings, and love to be pushed high. You love the wind in your face, and you love to be spun around in circles, holding on as tight as you can to my shirt so you won't fall backwards. You love to be hung upside-down, and you love to be tickled. I adore hearing your little giggle when I hit the exact right tickle spot.

You're funny about dirt--you don't like having stuff on your hands, and you'll often go to a small piece of paper or fuzz on the floor to pick it up. You are definitely not a fan of sand, which is sad, because the local playground we used to go to all the time has been covered in sand by local kids. You don't like to crawl around it anymore. This also means you're not really a fan of stickers. I'll put one on the back of your hand, and you'll get fussy with me if you can't get it off your fingers.

You've started making a really cheesy grin, which always makes me laugh. In fact, you often make me laugh. Our days are filled with laughing and playing and joy. You start every morning by waking up and talking/singing in your bed until we come and get you.

You have very good fine motor skills. You often play with small things, pressing and manipulating them to figure out how they work. Recently you discovered the music box in your room, and the button under the lid that makes the music turn on and off. You also like taking the caps off of bottles. Grammy Gaydene remarks about it whenever she sees it. "That little finger!" she says, "Always moving!"  You're also getting good at throwing a ball back and forth with a partner. Your accuracy is pretty good! You mostly throw right-handed.

You don't like to have your hands held, and you are not a snuggler. Kind of makes Mommy sad, but that's just how you are. It makes the little snuggles you do give extra-special. You also don't like to sleep while being held.

You've started exhibiting some negative behaviors, like when you don't get your way about something. You'll start to throw a little bit of a fit--some fake tears or some whining. Thankfully, you're really good at cutting it out when I tell you that isn't appropriate. You also have started to do some willful things, like doing something even after I have told you no. We're going to be working on that for a while, I think!

You like looking at pictures. I made a large number 1 for your birthday, and covered it with photos. I haven't taken it off the wall, because every day you go up to it and point to the pictures and talk to them. You've started to be able to point to different people that I name--today you identified PawPaw, Gus, Daddy, and Aunt Ashley.

You get lots of compliments wherever we go. The nursery workers at church often make wonderful comments about you, and claim that you are one of their favorites (last week, they said that everyone else was crying, and you were just happy and content to hang out with everyone). The ladies that work at Ralph's love you, and lots of people comment on how beautiful you are. I agree with them, of course! I can't wait for you to show them how bright and smart and strong you are, too.

Baby girl, I love you with all of my heart. I love watching you grow, explore, and change. I love seeing your heart for your friends, and your love for your family.  My prayers are always with you.

Love,
Mommy

Memories....of Birth

In thinking back on Avonlea's birth, I find it amazing the things I remember strongly, and the things I seem to have forgotten.  I went back and read my birth story, and I found myself thinking, "Wow! I don't remember that at all!"

Some things about Avonlea's birth that have stuck with me through the year (warning: some of these are maybe a little gross for those of you unfamiliar with the birth and after-birth processes):

1. I remember very specifically when I was coming out of my epidural meds, and how I was so shaky I thought I was going to drop Avonlea. I made Nick take her, even though I was supposed to be doing skin-to-skin time (something I, of course, felt guilty for later).

2. Speaking of guilt, it took all of 5 minutes for the mom guilt to set in. I felt guilty for everything! I didn't do enough skin-to-skin in the first 2 hours of her life (even though for the first hour I couldn't because I was coming out of major surgery), she cried the whole way from recovery to our new room so I must be a bad mom because what mom can't get her own baby to stop crying?, I couldn't change her diapers without getting someone to help me lift her out of her bed (again, major surgery), I was so exhausted I didn't want to hold her and risk dropping her (again, major surgery), and the big one: I didn't go to the hospital when my water broke, which then pushed everything back, ultimately causing her to be born almost 36 hours afterwards, and thus probably causing her to get the infection that made her have to go to the NICU. That's the one that still haunts me.

3. I HATED those leg compression socks that they put on you after surgery!  Ugh. The Worst.

4. I was super itchy after the epidural wore off.

5. I cried through the whole surgery. It was just the most overwhelmed I have ever been in my whole life. The combination of my dad and my sister missing the birth, plus the ALL DAY drama that was my non-labor and non-contractions and stretching my cervix manually and the doctor basically wearing horse gyno gloves to work on me, plus the constant "birth plan" concessions--all of it just made me a blubbering mess.  When they finally turned the epidural up and laid me on my back and wheeled me out of the room, I had this overwhelming feeling of mom floating angel-like above my bed the whole way into the delivery, and I just lost it. Nick asked me if I was okay at one point, probably because I was crying so much. When they brought Avonlea over to me, I couldn't see her very well through the tears.

6. I got chastised by the overnight nurse my second night after surgery, for using the wheelchair to get down to the NICU to see Avonlea. She told me I should not need it anymore.  Umm...excuse me? 36 hours ago, I had my stomach sliced open, and a nearly-9-pound baby wrangled out of it, and then the incision stitched and taped--TAPED!!--back together!  I wanted to take her stethoscope and shove it...somewhere unpleasant.

7. I was right by the nurse's station, which was a blessing and a curse. Blessing, because I was right by the nurse's station! I could push my little buzzer, and someone would attend to my needs nearly immediately. Curse because, again, right by the nurse's station!  7am and 7pm were the worst, because the shift changes were SO LOUD. I mean, irritatingly so.

8. I was completely exhausted after the birth, and there is this picture of me sleeping next to Avonlea. But I was totally faking, just for the picture. I did not sleep. Like, at all. I just couldn't, for some reason. The whole first night I basically stayed up most of the night, until about 2am, when I finally drifted off.

9. I also got chastised by another nurse, and by the NICU people because when I finally did sleep, both Avonlea and I slept for 6 hours--which, is a huge no-no. I was supposed to be trying to nurse her every 3 hours. But no one was in the room with me, and I finally slept, people! The next morning, when I was supposed to have written down her poops and feeds, and they saw nothing on the chart for the last 6 hours, they talked to me like I was the worst dumb mom ever. I felt terrible.  Oh, did I mention this happened right after they told me they were going to have to take her down to the NICU?  Yeah. Icing on proverbial cake.

10. After I gave birth, I feel like I was essentially a very large bag of water. If I left any part of my body lower than my heart for more than 5 minutes, all the excess water went and hung out in that part--most often, my feet. I can't even express how completely grotesque and awkward that is--I really should've gotten a picture of it.

11. A C-Section is one of the most out-of-body, weird experiences I have ever had. I mean, you're completely numb--but you can still feel things, mostly when the things that are happening affect another part of your body that is not numb. I felt tugging and pulling during the surgery, which was gnarly. But the most weird thing was when they transferred me from the surgery gurney to the rolling bed. I could tell they were rolling me one way and another, I could tell because my head was moving around--but I couldn't feel anything! I wish there were adequate words to explain what that is like.

12. The nice thing about being so numb is that you don't feel the lovely (read: horrible) uterine massages they give you after birth. At least, you don't feel the first few. If, however, you're like me, and you just don't seem to stop having things flow out of you, then they will continue to do them over and over, even after the epidural has started to wear off. Whoa. Not fun.

I realize now that most of these things have to do with having a C-Section. I don't feel like there is adequate information out there about what you should do if you have a C-Section. In our childbirth class, there was about a 15 minute blurb about it from our teacher. I was totally unprepared, physically, mentally, and emotionally for the C-Section. I felt like I had failed Avonlea by not being able to birth her naturally (d*&n cervix!), and by having to do things in this "unnatural" way.

On Turning One

We celebrated Avonlea's birthday yesterday. She turned one on Friday. It is really surreal to look back at this year and to see how much she has changed--and how much she has changed me.

Many people shed tears on the first birthday, but I didn't. To be honest, I am glad she is one. I am glad she is getting older. I really didn't do well with her as a baby. Many people pine for the babies, and say, "Oh, I wish my baby was teeny tiny again!" I might smile at those people, but on the inside, I am thinking, "You are crazy. Do you REMEMBER what it was like with a newborn baby?"

Babies are No. Fun. As a mom, you're sleep-deprived, you're totally confused as to what you should be doing, you're paralyzingly lonely while simultaneously surrounded by people wanting to help you, sometimes you're in extreme pain from surgery, other times in extreme pain from pushing a child through your lady bits. The kid you've waited so long for is all wrinkly and kinda deformed-looking. When you look back at baby pictures later, you think, "I really thought *that thing* was cute?" because honestly, 99.9% of newborns are uhg-ly.  And yes, mine is included in that. Avonlea had weird tufts of hair, and super skinny legs and arms, and terrible baby acne for the first several weeks that made strangers ask what was wrong with her.  I, of course, was so hopped up on drugs and natural love-inducing hormones that I thought she was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen.

I took this kinda weird-looking newborn home, and spent the next 4 months trying to figure out why it wouldn't stop crying non-stop. Or throwing up non-stop. Or pooping out of these ridiculously expensive diapers that are meant to hold poop.  (I mean, seriously. It's the diaper's ONLY JOB. We can send people to the moon, but we can't figure out how to contain baby poop in a diaper? Someone figure this out already!)

All of this to say, I was thrilled when she grew out of her incessant crying. That shark was making me cray-cray. I was overjoyed when she figured out how to stop throwing up everything she ate. I breathed sighs of relief when she could hold her head up by herself, so I didn't feel like I was going to snap off her head all the time. I loved the day she could follow a toy around with her eyes, and then the day when I could sit her down under a play mat and do something without holding her for 10 minutes. The day that she sat up on her own, I had a dance party for myself. (No, really, I did. I danced to Disney music. It was great.)  When I realized she could go 3 hours between feedings instead of an hour and a half, I rejoiced.

Basically, she went from a baby I could barely tolerate, to a baby I could figure out and truly appreciate. Believe me, it's not that I didn't love my baby. It might sound that way, but that is not the case at all. I just don't do well in situations where I have no control--and having a newborn baby is precisely that kind of situation. So I didn't do well.

But over the last few months, we have really come into our own, and I am really enjoying her. And as she gets older, and starts to be able to communicate even more, it will just get better. I love the stage she is in right now, and I don't wish to go back at all.

Now, I might not want to go forward after this...but that's another blog. :)

Visiting Family

A whole month without writing?? Egads!

I have a couple of posts that I started, but have just "saved" for later. There are just some things I want to brew for a little while longer before blasting them out.

We just got back from a wonderful weekend in San Diego. We met up with Ashley, who was in town for the weekend for a conference. We were able to stay together in the hotel one night, and then our friends graciously hosted us for the rest of the weekend, so we could be together as much as possible.

It's hard to believe that Ashley has only been able to see Avonlea three times so far. Growing up as we did in Ohio, surrounded by family all the time, I never thought I would raise my little one so far away from others in my extended family, especially not her immediate family.

I know that we are supposed to be here in LA. And I really do love it. But I do *not* love that Avonlea is growing up without them. It sucks, to put it mildly.