Seattle

I'm having trouble writing this post.  Not sure how to write it.  Guess I'll just jump in.


I always had a vision of what my life would be like.  Probably...mostly...from my growing up.  I thought my marriage and children experience would be much like my mom and dad's.  Not sure why I thought this.  I've always been pretty independent--not sure why following in my parent's EXACT shoes was such a desire of mine.  Something's happened to help me realize that I'm going to need to cut out my own path in life, instead of treading one that is already worn by someone else.  Start over with Nick, and create our own future together.

This is made more and more clear with Nick's job situation.  He doesn't like his job.  I mean, it's okay.  He really likes having a job, but the one he has isn't fulfilling for him.  It's not what he wants to do forever, and so the more he does it, the more he feels like it's taking him away from what he really wants to do.

So, he's been applying for jobs.  This isn't new to me.  I've known about this for about a year or so.  What I didn't know (up until 3 months ago) was WHERE he was applying for jobs.  There's been a couple of really great opportunities that have opened up in the Microsoft Corporation.  They have a few offices here in Ohio--Cincinnati and Findlay areas.  But the job that he wants is in Seattle.

WHOA.

Talk about a shocker!  When Nick first mentioned it to me, I didn't have any idea what to say!

With everything that has been going on with my mom's health, I knew that starting a family was more and more imperative--and that she would be an integral part of helping me through the process.  I think of my friend's moms, who took them clothes shopping, and gave advice, and helped with the whole having-a-baby process.  And I started to think about what that might look like if I'm living across the country.  And I started to freak out a bit.

Granted, Nick doesn't have the job.  He has done a screening interview online, and then done another screening interview over the phone.  But it really got me thinking about what our lives would be like if we lived across the country from our family.  From those people that would be our support system.  From our friends and jobs, and comfort.  And this is where the conversation within myself really started.  I was terrified.

After a few days of really thinking about it (and not really discussing anything about it with Nick), I started to get excited.  Still terrified, but also excited.  I mean, how amazing would it be?  First, Seattle is supposed to be fabulous.  Second, Nick would TOTALLY and completely adore his job.  He's as giddy as a schoolboy just mentioning  the possibility.

But I really got to thinking about what it would do for Nick and I.  We've kind of been in an auto-pilot relationship.  Everything pre-planned.  Our route already set.  Boundaries and limits and expectations already set out for us.  Not in a negative way, but also not in a positive way.  If we were to move away from everything comfortable, then what would we have left to rely on?  Ourselves, and Christ.  And honestly--could that BE any better for us?

So, I pray.  Every day I pray.  I pray that God opens doors for us to live off auto-pilot.  I pray He opens doors for Nick to be as fulfilled and appreciated in his work as much as he desires and deserves.  I pray that He grants us opportunities to truly rely on Him and His will for us.  There are so many unknowns about this, but I rest safely in the arms of the One who DOES know about tomorrow and what it holds.

Disjointed Thoughts

I haven't really been thinking about babies too much lately. I've been busy and stressed out with school, and my mom, and photography.  I've been playing soccer, and going to house church, and trying to train for a half-marathon that I am probably going to be walking now.  I have 100 hours of professional development to do in the next 2 months, and our kids are in the home stretch before testing, so there's a bunch of extra planning to do.

That's when you get pregnant, though, right?  When you're not thinking about it?

Well, the problem with being so busy is that you're too tired to do the deed that you need to do to get pregnant in the first place.

Oops.  Guess I'd better get on that.

My 31st birthday is this week.  I didn't think I'd hit 31 without a baby, but that's how life goes sometimes.  Guess 31 is my big year.  Christy says I shouldn't try to get pregnant around my birthday, because then we'll have a Christmas baby.  I guess right now I'm not too concerned about that.  Any baby will do right now. :)

I have been thinking about the day that I'll get to tell my mom and dad, and Nick.  I've been racking my brain to figure out how to do it.  I want it to be fun and special.  I can't think of anything unique.  Maybe doing some kind of picture or something.  Or a song.  Who knows.

Topic for next post: Seattle

Birth Control Drawback...

There is at least one major drawback to not being on birth control.

I have 8 HUGE zits on my face right now, and my back hurts so badly from acne that I can barely lean back in my chair. THIS is why I went on it in the first place!

No baby this month

Guess the title says it all.

Hahaha

Maybe I don't want kids....

tick, tock, tick, tock.

Went to a friend's house tonight to scrapbook.  She took us up to the new baby's room to look at bedding and clothes.

Le sigh.

Be Warned: This Post (might be) TMI.

I haven't written. Things got pretty crazy around here with my mom's health, and I wasn't really in the mood to write.  I was going to apologize for it, but that's the way life is.  And if I'm worried about blogging about my life instead of living my life, then I have bigger problems.

I really wanted to talk about the article I posted before.  Because I really think taking birth control pills ruined sex for me for a while.  This quote helps explain why:

The synthetic estrogen increases levels of a protein called sex-hormone-binding globulin (SHBG), which adheres to testosterone and makes it less available to the body. The result can be a crash in desire, muted orgasms, or pain during sex, according to Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.

I can definitely attest to that one!  I actually wondered for a while what all the hype about sex was, because it just wasn't that fun for me.  It hurt.  If given the choice between sex and something else, I would always choose something else.

About a year or so after we were married, I had a great get-together with some friends.  The topic of sex came up, and I mentioned how un-fun it was for me.  They were very concerned for me (understandably).  After reading this article, I think maybe I wasn't so crazy.  I mean, "muted orgasms"?  Um, yeah.

As soon as I went off of the pill, sex became a lot less painful and a lot more fun.  And I realized that maybe I had been missing out for a long time!