What You Need to Know About C-Sections

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time, but it wasn't until a discussion came up in a mom group on Facebook that I was reminded about it. This is not an exhaustive list, it is just what I learned and what I usually tell moms who are looking at needing a C-section.

Note: I am NOT a doctor. Don't go against any doctor's advice to do the things I am suggesting (though, i don't think anything is too outrageous!). Just a disclaimer. I don't want to get sued later or anything. :)

Before the C-Section:

• It really can't be said enough: you need to prepare yourself for the fact that your birth plan WILL NOT go according to plan. I don't think many people expect to have C-sections their first time around. Most people intend to have a vaginal birth, whether using drugs or not. I don't think a lot of people would choose to have a major abdominal surgery (I know that some do--elective C-sections are on the rise--but I still think they're a minority.). Because you probably haven't planned on a C-section, its sudden arrival will cause some emotional trauma, whether immediately felt or not. In my case, the possibility of a C-section was lurking around starting around my 18th hour of labor--but for some, it is literally a last-minute decision that is made for them. The more you prepare yourself for sudden changes before your labor begins, the less the whole C-section situation will emotionally challenge you. To my (later) dismay, I really dismissed the idea of having a C-section; I didn't even let the possibility enter my mind, and so I didn't prepare myself adequately. Don't get me wrong: you will still have emotional issues over an unplanned C-section, but you'll handle it better if you allow yourself the possibility it might happen (like I didn't).
• I'm not sure what you wear after a vaginal birth, but I only recommend packing wide-band yoga/exercise pants for post-C-section wear. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT BRING JEANS to wear home, even maternity jeans!! The area around your new scar is ridiculously sensitive, and though it seems weird, I found it much more comfortable to have something supporting the whole area than to have something flowy that could brush against it, or maternity jeans that dig into that area. No drawstrings, either!  (I recommend something like these.)
• You'll probably have packed underwear if you're not planning on a C-section, but if you end up having one, you won't want to wear your own underwear for a while.
• If you know you're going to have a C-section, go out early to the drug store and buy the biggest pads you can find. I liked the Always Maxi Overnight Heavy Flow with Wings.  Buy two packs. While you'll love the mesh undies the hospital gives you, you won't love the cheap pads that the hospital provides for you. Seriously--they end up stacking them on top of each other, which is 1000% uncomfortable.
• Ask your doctor what he/she will do to stitch you up. Will you have stitches? Glue? Tape? I highly recommend being taped up, if that is an option. You won't have to go get anything removed later, and you can keep the tape on as long as you need to. I left my tape on for much longer than I probably needed to, but I found that my scar healed incredibly well where the tape was. A friend of mine had glue, and she had a lot more problems with her recovery (and her clothes) than I did.
• You will get a dry shave from a nurse, unless you arrive having already shaved yourself. Your husband might like to help with this area!

During the C-Section:

• TRY to relax. The whole C-section process is ridiculously fast. I had 10 minutes of prep in the OR before my husband and surgeon arrived, and 2 minutes later, baby was born. 30 minutes after that, I was in recovery. Considering what is happening, that is FAST. If your C-section is an unplanned decision, the whole situation can seem like a whirlwind. Say a prayer, meditate, take deep breaths--whatever you need to do to calm yourself for the storm!
• You're going to experience one of the strangest out-of-body sensations ever. Whole-body numbness is something few can claim to understand--you will soon be one of them.
• Something I didn't do that I will ask for the next time around is for the doctor or the nurses to keep telling me what is happening. That might set your mind at ease a bit (unless you wish to remain blissfully ignorant).

After the C-Section:

• I itched like crazy coming out of the epidural. Not everyone has this reaction, but you might. I was also shaking uncontrollably. Again, not everyone has this reaction, but I certainly wasn't expecting it.
• You will be numb in your incision area for a long time. Weeks. Months. I'm a year out, and it still feels differently in that spot. I wore yoga pants for about two weeks after for comfort's sake (but I'm definitely opposed to yoga pants as everyday wear).
• Expect your scar area to look incredibly gnarly for a while. I took a scar selfie the day after my surgery, and the results were disturbing. I felt like Jack Skellington down there. But, if you take good care to wash and dry your incision area (use a hair dryer instead of rubbing with a towel), you'll end up with a beautiful battle wound you can wear with pride. Incidentally, mine is about 6 inches wide, about a hands-width down from my belly button.
• Embrace the mesh underwear. No matter what cut of undies you brought with you, they will inevitably sit right on top of your brand-new scar. Those see-through, tear-away granny panties they give you will become your new best friend. Ask for a couple of extra pairs to wear the first few days you are home. You'll be sad when they run out.
• TAKE THE POST-OP DRUGS. Don't try to be a hero. That being said, after a week or so, start to wean yourself off of them--they will make you constipated.
• Rest, as much as you can. You have a new baby, but you also had a major surgery. If you don't rest, recovery will be even harder.
• On the flip side of that, GET OUT OF BED. The more you are able to get up (do it as slowly as you need to) and walk around (do it as gingerly as you need to), the better your recovery will be. I attribute my relatively easy recovery on the fact that I was up and out of my room 3-4 times a day to go down to the NICU to see my baby. That really helped my mobility in a big way. Get a ring sling, or another wrap to wear your baby and do laps around the hallways, if that helps you.
• Laughing will hurt. A lot. Use an extra pillow to hold against your incision area if you have hilarious visitors (like I did).
• Just like in a vaginal birth, they will make you poop before you leave the hospital. While I imagine this is incredibly painful having a vaginal delivery, the thought of pushing out poop is one of the scariest things imaginable after having a C-section. Take the stool softeners they give you, but also make sure you are drinking plenty of water. I always had my nurses bring me a pitcher of water and a pitcher of ice with every meal, and I kept it refilled often.
• Make plans for someone to stay with you the first night after your baby is born. A lot of husbands go home to get some sleep--but you will definitely need help that first night. Enlist a good friend to stay if your husband can't. You will need someone to help you get out of bed, help you get the baby changed, etc. That first night after surgery is the hardest to accomplish anything on your own. (I did not have anyone stay, and it was a really hard night--I called the nurses every hour for something or another--and I was really trying not to be needy!)
• Finally, though you might be anxious to get home to your own bed, I highly recommend taking all the time they will let you have to stay in the hospital. You have people who bring you food, you have nurses on call for anything you need, you don't have to worry about piles of laundry or dishes, and you have a bed that moves up and down with the press of a button! The pull for home might be strong, but I don't regret staying that extra night in the least.

There's a book called The Essential C-Section Guide that I'll be picking up from the library or Amazon the next time I need it. I've heard great things about it.

How about you other C-section mamas?  What have you learned from experience that you pass on to other C-section mamas?

Pee Stick and Telling Nick

(Written on June 11, 2014)

So, I've had a few days to process.

I am pregnant.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby.

I am going to have another baby!

(Say those sentences in a progressively louder and more hyper-sounding voice, and you'll have my inflection down perfectly.)

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

I'm not sure why. I mean, we were having unprotected sex. Hello, that's how babies are made! I'm not sure what we were thinking on that one, other than figuring it took us so long last time that it probably wouldn't happen so easily.  Honestly, with Nick and I, we tend to just not think about it.

Wanna know a secret? We have never used a condom. Seriously. Almost 9 years of marriage, not once. No sex before marriage, so no possibility there. First 5 years of our marriage I was on birth control, and the next 3 years we were trying to have a baby. I've never opened one of those foil packets. We've never even bought any. I wouldn't have any idea where to start. I probably could've sent Nick to go get some (he would have a better idea than me, I'm guessing), but honestly, I didn't even think to ask him to. So, over the last 14 months since Avonlea has been born, we've just been....well, au naturel, as they say.

That's probably irresponsible, especially since I was so freaked out to have a baby.  But I genuinely, honestly, had NO IDEA we would have any success again. It's like the little part of my brain that remembers how babies are made just inconveniently forgot about it. And it's not like I frequent the condom aisle at the drug store, either, so as to be subtly reminded.

Over the last few weeks, I have had weird moments of thinking, "I'm pregnant." I took the pregnancy test after a couple of days of thinking, "I think I'm late." When I clipped coupons this month, I clipped some pregnancy test coupons. I was having nightmares about being pregnant. I was daydreaming about if people would think I was crazy if I called adoption agencies to give up the baby I was dreaming I had. I was relieved when feeling what I thought was my pre-period cramping, and wore a pad one night, just in case (that was a waste). When I took the test, a little voice in the back of my head said, "It's going to be positive."

I took the test while Nick was out re-enrolling in AAA for the year, and left it in the bathroom for a while, forgotten, while I looked after Avonlea. I only remembered to go in and look at it because Nick arrived home, and I didn't want to freak him out with a used pregnancy test in the bathroom.

Last time, immediately after finding that little blue line, I was a smidge disappointed (which I detailed in this post).

This time, I was downright freaked. out. Full on, horror movie levels of scared. Approximately one million and one thoughts screamed through my head at the same time: "I can't do this. I still have a baby--how can I possibly be prepared to take on another one! I've seen my friends who have a toddler and a newborn--they look like they want to go into fetal position at any moment. I can't handle that! I'm not back to my pre-baby weight! I'm going to get so incredibly fat! I can't do this. I can't DO this!"

After the fear, came the shock (and irritation): "Seriously? Again? STUPID Allison. WHY didn't you go and buy some freaking condoms?!?"

To top it off, Nick and I weren't really talking to each other very much. We were in a "fight", though we don't really have knock-down, drag-out fights. We just kind of do the silent treatment. (Nick will probably read this later and say, "We were in a fight?" That's how well we fight.)

When he got home, and I checked the test, I thought for a split second about waiting to tell him the news. Last time, I had such a cute way of telling him. But now, I was just so upset that we were in a fight that I wanted to resolve it as soon as possible.

Nick started to tell me something about the AAA thing, and all I could do was start to cry. Nick, of course, wondered what was wrong, and I apologized for my part of the fight. And then I said, "I think we have a huge problem."

I got up off the couch to go get the pregnancy test, and Nick followed me. I brought it back out to him in the hallway, and he got a huge smile on his face, and said, "Uh-oh! What does that mean?" (in a sly, I-already-know-what-it-means kind of way). I'm really glad he was smiling and happy, because I was bawling by this point.

I probably should've waited to tell him in a more fun way, but I just couldn't think of how I would get excited about it enough to be creative and happy when I told him, so I blurted it out to him over a laundry basket of dirty socks.

That sounds terrible to say. I really hope that Biscuit doesn't hate me later in life for knowing that I wasn't initially excited about his/her presence in my womb.

But above all the emotions; the fear, the worry, the shock--I never once thought that we should get rid of it. I never thought we should abort, or put it up for adoption. This is OUR BABY. And whether or not we were ready for its creation is a moot point (or, a moo point). And deep down, I was happy. Definitely not outrageously happy, but I was at least minutely pleased. In the midst of my tears on Nick's shirt, I was able to smile about the new life we had created.

Now that a few days have passed, it still hits me like a ton of bricks when I remember, again, that I am pregnant. But I also realize a little bit more each day that it really is going to be okay. God would not have given us this life if it was not meant for us. If we would not be able to handle it. It might take me a while to be 100% gung-ho about it, but that's okay.

We're going to have another baby.

And it's going to be great.

Avonlea's First Blog Post

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A Second Kid? Are you CRAZY??

(this post was written June 7, 2014)

I heard that after you have your first kid, people started asking you when you were going to have another one. I experienced this a little bit, but really only from people I didn't know (or my mother-in-law). See, I think it was that the people close to me knew what a traumatic experience Avonlea's babyhood was, and so they knew better than to ask me.

As time went on, among other people and among other mommies, the baby question would come up, and people would be surprised at my emphatic "NO!" when asked if we were going to have another kid.

I don't think it is a permanent "no". I just say that I need more time to recover from the trauma of the last kid. It's not the birth that traumatized me. It's the having a BABY thing that traumatized me. I love looking at babies. I love it when friends have babies. I really liked being pregnant and growing a baby. I learned that I do NOT like babies.

I also can't imagine having another kid right now, with Avonlea still so young. I imagine a 3-4 year spread between my kids. I like the 3 or 4 year spread, because they'll have one or two years together in middle and high school, but not too close together. They also won't be too far apart and grow up hating each other, like Ashley and I did with our 6.5 year spread.

I am also seeing what it is like to have a toddler and a baby first-hand. Several of my mom friends are on baby #2 with their first being around 16-20 months old. And while it's exciting in theory, I see what a toll it takes. The energy you needed for one baby is now multiplied, but the energy you're given isn't. My friends are doing an amazing job--but I spent one afternoon with one of them, and I came home saying, "We canNOT have another baby anytime soon." Just watching what it was like terrified me.

I don't do well in situations where I am overwhelmed. I tend to lose my balance mentally, and I constantly feel like I am underwater. I just don't do well. I mean, one of my extended family members told me she was going to fly to California to help me after I had Avonlea because I sounded like I was doing so badly. Did I also mention I'm not good at concealing how I really feel?

I guess you have some things figured out with your second kid that make some aspects of it a little easier. You're not dealing with the first-time Mom thing, which is huge. But on the flip-side, you're dealing with the new thing of raising another kid AND a baby.

And to be honest, I'm kind of content with our little 3-person family. I really would be completely happy if we never had another kid of our own. I did the pregnant thing. I did the baby thing. I'm happy to move on with my life. I would love to consider adoption, but that's not something Nick is interested in right now. Maybe I can work on him in that regard, but it's not something we would pursue even in the next 5 years.

All that being said, I took these pictures today:

Oh, shit.

Contentment? As a Mom?

Do you ever feel like you were meant for something...else?

90 percent of the time, I love my life. I live in a great city, with tons of opportunities. I have an amazing husband, who works hard to provide for our family. I have a beautiful daughter, who fills my days with joy. I have a nice home and a place to exercise and health and a great church community. I am able to sing and run and read and exercise my creativity in different ways.

But.

I still struggle with contentment. That 10 percent just eats away at me. I wish things for my life that aren't possible right now, and I find myself frustrated that I'm not able to do those things. I wonder where this stems from. Is it some weird effect of the feminist movement, to make me feel like my being a stay-at-home mom is unfulfilling in some way? If I had stayed in my career, would I feel better about things? Would I be more content? It's almost like I see the grass as greener on the other side of the fence.

But see, here's the rub: I don't think I would like it any more if I were on the other side of the fence. Because I was there. I have experienced the other side of so many things. I was single until I was 26, and didn't date a lot, and I just wanted to be married. I had a marriage with no kids for 8 years, and I just wanted to add kids to the mix. I had a job as a teacher, and I never felt completely comfortable in it enough to enjoy it all the time. Same with being a photographer--I always felt like I knew just enough to get by, but not enough to really excel. And now, as a mom, I feel similarly--I'm doing an okay job, but I'm not doing an exceptional job.

Is it a lack of confidence that causes this discontent? I have noticed a pattern in my life--I get involved with something, and then after a while I get bored, or I realize I am inadequate in some way, and I move on. I was 100% into sports growing up. Then I did some theater in college, but not enough to really consider that a career (even though I majored in it). Then I was a teacher for 8 years, but never felt comfortable in it, and then I did photography for 3 years, and now I'm a mom. I've dabbled in sewing and scrapbooking and baking and aerobics and acting and blogging and gardening and so many other things, but have never stayed with anything for too long. And is it because of this dabbling, this bouncing back-and-forth between interests and passions--that has caused me to develop this weird discontentment? That I essentially have "life passion ADD"?

Or am I just setting myself up with expectations that are too high? Can anyone really feel 100% like they're doing their life's work? They choose a career when they're 19 or 20 and stick with that education and training and then every day they do that chosen career they feel like they're exactly where they belong? Because to me, that seems completely foreign.  People have asked me, "What do you want to do?" and I have never felt comfortable giving a solid answer. Because the true, honest answer is, "I don't know." I feel like so many of the choices that I have made in my life have been by default.

I chose a communications major because there were classes I could actually pass.
I went to China because my friend convinced me.
I started teaching because I couldn't find a theater job anywhere, and it was something I could do in the meantime.
I'm staying at home with Avonlea because teaching here isn't really an option (and I probably couldn't find a job anyway).

I kind of wonder, when Avonlea gets to the age where she starts deciding what she wants to do, what will she learn from me? I don't ever want Avonlea to think that choosing to stay at home with her was a "default" choice--but how do I tell her that I never expected to stay home? I grew up in the household of an amazing career woman, and always expected to follow in those footsteps, and now I'm going back on everything I ever said I wanted. I want to give Avonlea a strong sense of self to stand on, but my track record for advising her isn't so great, since my "sense of self foundation" is wobbly at best. And what about after that? When she does decide what she wants and moves out of the house--what will be left for me? I'll be one of those weird women who takes up underwater basket weaving because she has nothing to do with her time after her kids moved out of the house.

I guess, in the end, it's about transition. I had a really hard time after Nick and I got married. About a year into the marriage, I realized how much had changed for me. I had to "report to someone" (for lack of a better word) about how I spent my time, how I spent my money, where I went on vacation, what I wanted the house to look like, etc. I didn't even get to keep my own name! I felt like my identity had shifted so dramatically, and it took me a while to get used to "the new me". To get a feeling of how a marriage worked, and how to be a partner in life to someone else. I wasn't just me anymore. I was now "wife".

And now, I'm at another transition. Now I'm a "mom". I'm a year into it, and I'm realizing how hard it is for me to come to grips with it. That this, this mom thing that I'm in right now is what I am doing, and that maybe it isn't what I thought it would be. When I became a "mom", did I leave everything else behind? All my goals? All my wishes? I didn't think about the sacrifices I would have to make, or the changes I would have to make to my expectations. I didn't realize what I would lose.

But I also didn't realize what I would gain.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

"What a Big Brain You Have!"

It really feels like one day I had a baby, who only observed and sat by as things happened around her or to her, and then the next day I had a little girl who interacts and develops more every day.

I keep meaning to write, but life just gets in the way. I need to stop apologizing for it, after all, I'm not making money on this blog--it's just for me. I keep documenting our lives in photos, so that's an important thing.

Avonlea just gets more and more interesting. It always surprises me whenever she exhibits some new skill, or shows me new things that she has learned.

I mean, she is pointing at things when we read!  I know it's something little, but it's just seeing those brain connections that didn't exist prior, and are now getting stronger and stronger.  I read a lot of books with her. She used to have no attention span whatsoever, and now she goes to the book box and picks a book out and brings it back to me to read. She'll sit on my lap, turn all the pages, and point to pictures as I ask her questions. She can identify "ball", "balloons", "zebra", "fish", "eyes", "mouth", "elephant", "Elmo", "Cookie", and "monkey". I love asking her, "Where is the monkey?" and waiting while she scans the page and then makes a quick point at the monkey on the page. Today, she gave me an additional highlight: when I asked her where the monkey was, before pointing to it, she said, "ooh ooh ooh!"

The other day, Nick was blowing bubbles inside, and just for fun I said, "Bubbles, bubbles, everywhere!" a line from one of Avonlea's favorite stories. She toddled away from the bubbles, over to the book box, and grabbed the bubble book and brought it back to me to read.

She's not saying too many identifiable phrases, but she talks all the time and uses lots of inflection when she speaks. You can tell she is asking for certain things. She loves to drink out of my water bottle, and loves to munch on whatever I am eating--she'll point at my bottle or my plate and say, "oissssh?" She's also good at saying goodbye when people are leaving. It's really funny to look up in the window and see the top of her little head and her eyes peeking over the ledge, with her little arm pumping up and down in a wave. :) She also loves to wave at Waldo in the window.

As she gets more independent, we're also dealing with more temperament and strong-willed issues. Tonight we had a particularly cranky fight about leaving her bib on while she eats. She's been trying to pull them off each meal (velcro--urgh), and I haven't been letting her. Well, tonight that really made her mad. She threw a fit, and kept fighting me on it, but I tried to be calm and collected but continue to stand my ground.  Nick observed and said I did a good job riding the storm, which was nice of him to notice.

Avonlea also loves to go places and do things by herself. She doesn't like to hold my hand--she likes to walk around by herself and explore things on her own. Today that meant finding her several steps into the kitchen in the Asian restaurant we were in. Thankfully the staff thought it was funny instead of annoying, but I have to keep a closer eye on her now.

She also likes to eat by herself. If I put any food in her mouth, even if it's something she likes, she will spit it into her hand and then put it into her mouth herself. She also takes spoons away from me to put things into her mouth herself. Basically I have to make sure that whatever is in the spoon won't fall out--I really only do avocado--otherwise I spear things with forks for her or mash them into a pouch or let her pick them up with her hands.

She's becoming crazy-obsessed with her stuffed Boo. She already loved Boo--but now, she wants to carry Boo wherever we go, and she is always asking for him. I think I'm going to have to put the kabosh on that--Boo is already a little worse for wear, and he hasn't left her bedroom (except when we traveled to Ohio).

She's also better at playing with her friends. I noticed her sharing with her friend Ava today, and while I know that won't always be the case, it was nice to see her interacting with kids around her own age, since she's been mostly ignoring them up until now.

She is starting to recognize humor. She laughs at videos of herself doing funny things, and at puppets doing silly dances. She also does things to make us laugh. She blows these amazing raspberries that always make us giggle.

I also love watching her figure things out. We have a shape sorter, and she'll try the shapes out in the different openings, trying to see which one it will go in. She'll manipulate the piece in multiple angles now, instead of just trying to force it in a certain hole without moving it around.

Easter was a great example of her burgeoning cognitive abilities. She totally "got" the Easter egg hunt idea!

I love watching her grow. It's to the point now where pictures don't do her justice. My memory card on my phone is filling up much quicker now, because I'm taking videos all the time!

One Year Letter

Dear Avonlea,

I have lots of other things to work on right now, but I realize that I never wrote you a one year letter--in fact, I think I am really behind on a lot of your letters. If there is blame to be placed, it should probably be placed on you--you have stopped taking more than one nap a day, so my blog time is limited to the evenings, when I am often doing laundry, or cleaning up the house, or working on other things that get pushed back.

But don't worry--I'm not blaming you. I am so pleased I get to spend more of my day with your sweet face. I remember a time, not too long ago, when I would think to myself during the day, "I don't get to spend any time with my baby--she sleeps more than she is awake!" Well, that has certainly changed. You usually take one nap, but sometimes, if we are out-and-about, you won't take any! If that happens, you end up like your Mommy when she hasn't slept--cranky!  A couple of times I have actually just driven around so you'll sleep in the car!

Speaking of sleep, you still aren't sleeping through the night. You get up a lot to eat. I get a lot of grief from people about it (including the pediatrician, who tells me I have to stop it), but the bottom line is that it doesn't bother me that much. You go to bed at 6:30 or 7pm, and always get up sometime between 10:30 and 11pm, when I'm going to bed. You then get up once at 2:30 or 3am, and then get up for the day at 7:30am. Sometimes, you'll get up at 6am, I'll feed you, and you'll go back to sleep until 8:30. Those are great days. :)  This won't last forever, and until it really starts to bother me, I'll keep doing it.

One reason I am not stopping your night feedings is because you aren't eating during the day. You'll eat (swallow) purees, but anything solid you will play around with in your mouth, and then spit out. I think you're swallowing a little tiny bit, but for the most part, you just play the "taste and spit" game. I'm starting to wonder if we need to do some kind of therapy with you, since it hasn't seemed to get much better over the last 6 months. Eating this way, you won't be getting enough calories to begin to wean. You also want to do it all by yourself--you don't like to be fed, you want to do it yourself.

Other than the eating and sleeping thing, you are so much fun. You're very inquisitive. Anything new I bring into the house, you want to investigate. You love opening drawers and bags, pulling out all the contents, and then putting them back. You understand the phrase, "put it away!" which has become very helpful.

You absolutely love dogs. You squeal with delight, and start to say, "doh, doh, doh" whenever we see a dog out-and-about. You love cats, too, but we don't seem to have friends who have any cats. You love to stand at the screen door and talk to the dogs while they're outside.

You love to read. You'll go over to your basket of books, pull them out one at a time, and flip through them, making lots of talking sounds while you're doing it. You love to help me turn the pages, and you've started to point to things while I read. You can identify Mickey and Minnie mouse, and you love reading books with dogs and babies in them. We have a book that has a mirror on the last page, which is your favorite. You turn to that page, lean forward, and "kiss" the baby that you see.

You still love playing hide-and-seek. You're so funny--you've started playing it yourself. You hold yourself up on the coffee table, and squat down behind it and pop back up with a big grin. You always want me to say, "Where's Avonlea?? Boo!!"

Being outside is one of your favorite things. You're very aware of things in the sky--airplanes, helicopters, birds, and trees blowing in the wind. You always point to them and say, "aah!"  If you hear an airplane or helicopter, your finger will go right up in the air, and you'll search for the plane with your eyes--you can spot them from very far away!  You also are obsessed with balloons. When we go to Wal-Mart and Ralph's, you're always pointing to them, and spotting them even from across the store.  We recently bought a small inflatable baby pool, which you really enjoyed, and we'll use a lot this summer. You love to go on walks in the stroller, too. You're content to sit in your stroller for a long time, as long as we're moving somewhere!

You just started taking your first few steps a couple of weeks ago--it's amazing to see how you have already progressed and started getting better and better with your balance. You aren't really taking steps independently--you'll walk from the couch to me, but only if it's 5 steps or less. Today you took your first step towards a non-human--you were trying to walk after Gus! You are getting more confident day-by-day. You most like to walk having both of your hands held--in fact, if we let go of one of your hands, you would stop dead in your tracks!  The last few days, though, you are starting to walk by only holding one hand...you just tend to go in circles when that happens. :) When you do walk a few steps independently, you get very giggly...almost hyperventilating!

You are very tough and brave. You fall down and get bumps and scrapes a lot as you're learning how to move--but you very rarely cry. Sometimes, if you hit your head or fall down or smoosh your fingers, you'll look at me right away, and I'll say, "You're okay!"  If you start to cry before you look at me, I know you're really hurt--but that isn't very often. You can go down the slide with a little help getting started, and you always smile when you get to the bottom. You love to be thrown high up in the air--you will almost stop breathing when you get to the apex of the throw, and then giggle on the way back down. You love the swings, and love to be pushed high. You love the wind in your face, and you love to be spun around in circles, holding on as tight as you can to my shirt so you won't fall backwards. You love to be hung upside-down, and you love to be tickled. I adore hearing your little giggle when I hit the exact right tickle spot.

You're funny about dirt--you don't like having stuff on your hands, and you'll often go to a small piece of paper or fuzz on the floor to pick it up. You are definitely not a fan of sand, which is sad, because the local playground we used to go to all the time has been covered in sand by local kids. You don't like to crawl around it anymore. This also means you're not really a fan of stickers. I'll put one on the back of your hand, and you'll get fussy with me if you can't get it off your fingers.

You've started making a really cheesy grin, which always makes me laugh. In fact, you often make me laugh. Our days are filled with laughing and playing and joy. You start every morning by waking up and talking/singing in your bed until we come and get you.

You have very good fine motor skills. You often play with small things, pressing and manipulating them to figure out how they work. Recently you discovered the music box in your room, and the button under the lid that makes the music turn on and off. You also like taking the caps off of bottles. Grammy Gaydene remarks about it whenever she sees it. "That little finger!" she says, "Always moving!"  You're also getting good at throwing a ball back and forth with a partner. Your accuracy is pretty good! You mostly throw right-handed.

You don't like to have your hands held, and you are not a snuggler. Kind of makes Mommy sad, but that's just how you are. It makes the little snuggles you do give extra-special. You also don't like to sleep while being held.

You've started exhibiting some negative behaviors, like when you don't get your way about something. You'll start to throw a little bit of a fit--some fake tears or some whining. Thankfully, you're really good at cutting it out when I tell you that isn't appropriate. You also have started to do some willful things, like doing something even after I have told you no. We're going to be working on that for a while, I think!

You like looking at pictures. I made a large number 1 for your birthday, and covered it with photos. I haven't taken it off the wall, because every day you go up to it and point to the pictures and talk to them. You've started to be able to point to different people that I name--today you identified PawPaw, Gus, Daddy, and Aunt Ashley.

You get lots of compliments wherever we go. The nursery workers at church often make wonderful comments about you, and claim that you are one of their favorites (last week, they said that everyone else was crying, and you were just happy and content to hang out with everyone). The ladies that work at Ralph's love you, and lots of people comment on how beautiful you are. I agree with them, of course! I can't wait for you to show them how bright and smart and strong you are, too.

Baby girl, I love you with all of my heart. I love watching you grow, explore, and change. I love seeing your heart for your friends, and your love for your family.  My prayers are always with you.

Love,
Mommy